50 Reasons To Live.

Day 4 (Part II)

   "What do you mean by me?" I ask as we head to the car and he shrugs.

"I can't explain it Riv."

"Can't or won't?"

"I can't. It's difficult."

"Or maybe it isn't."

"If it's not difficult to explain then go ahead and do so Riveria." He mutters tersely as he starts the car.

"I'm part of the reason you like living because you're trying to get me to live. If I wasn't suicidal I won't be among your reasons. Nor would you be driving me to school." I say and at that he stops the car.

    Unbuckling his seatbelt, he turns to face me and I promptly look away, staring at nothing outside the window.

"Can you look at me Riv?" He asks and I shake my head,no.

"Please?"

"I can't look at you Vettel."

"Why?"

"I just can't."

"Can you at least face me?"

Sighing, I turn to face him but choose to look at my hands instead and while I'm observing the lines on my hands, Sebastian tilts my chin up so I'm staring at him.

    "Do you always jump into conclusions Riveria?" He asks and I shrug

"Did I?"

"Mhm hmm. I didn't mention you as part of the reasons I love living because I'm trying to get you to live. It's more deeper and difficult to explain."

"What is it then?"

"Maybe at the end of the fifty days I'll tell you."

"If  I live past the fifty days."

"Don't start Riv."

"Aye aye captain.."

  "So what wonderful thing are we going to do that'll make me want to live?"

"You've got to wait till later in the evening to find out."

"We're going clubbing again?"

"No, something else, I'll text you the details." He says strapping his seatbelt back on and starting the car.

"Okay then.." I answer reaching to turn up the volume of the radio.

   You listen to Royal and the Serpent?" I ask when I notice he's humming the song that's playing and he nods before singing louder.

"Eating chips, on my bed.." before stretching his invisible microphone to me and I shake my head pushing it away,but he just brings it back and I give in..

"We avoid making friends and boring sex.."

"It's all the same in the end.."

"This life is sick on play pretend..."

Spend your morning saying you love me.."

"Let's just kick it till we're dead.." I finish and at that he quickly changes the radio station.

   "What'd you do that for?" I protest and he shakes his head.

"The fact that I'm suicidal doesn't mean that I can't hear anything concerning death you know?" I ask as be drives into the school's parking lot but he still doesn't reply.

"It's not that."

"Then what is it?"

"I just felt like... never mind..."