This is How it Ends x Bellamy Blake

31 | paranoia

I stood out in the cold waiting for Bellamy to bring out Lincoln. My posture couldn't have been worse. I was just uncomfortable no matter how I stood. The more I thought about Lincoln the more blood rushed to the back of my head. I tried to stay calm but I was scared I was bleeding internally like Clarke warned me about.

Which I wasn't.

Just paranoid.

I held Octavia's hand and she looked to me and smiled. She knew how much Lincoln meant to me and I knew how much Lincoln meant to her. We were kind of his only friends. Not that he couldn't have had more, everyone loved him but, he was a little reserved.

We all turn in sync as Bellamy slowly brings out the body. I stand up and back away from Octavia, dropping her hand.

Lincoln was wrapped in a beige sheet.

I felt sick. My stomach lurched at the sight of my dead friend. I began picking the skin beside my nails and playing with my hair to calm myself down.

He places Lincoln's body down and comes to stand next to me. He grabbed my hand and just held it tight as we watched Octavia say her final goodbye to Lincoln.

We then all helped carry his body over to where we had created stand to hold the bodies over the fire.

Lincoln and Sinclair began to cremate.

I felt better. My friend was at peace. He died saving his people and I will remember him for that always.

I love you Lincoln.

"May we meet again." Raven says goodbye to Sinclair. He was a father to her back in the ark. I remember her telling me about how he would teach her the names of everything until eventually she became the teacher.

"Yu gonplei este odon." Octavia lights the fire and steps back. The flames begin to take in the bodies. Everyone repeats Octavia.

That was her way of saying I love you. Because she did, more than anyone.

"Yu gonplei este odon." Bellamy repeats quietly. He grabbed my hand again and I could feel him shaking this time instead of me. His eyes watering up. He saw that I noticed and he looked down to hide his face.

We all just stayed and stared at the burning corpses. Saying goodbye wasn't a thing I was good at but it was a thing I was familiar with. At this point we had lost so many people I couldn't even count.

The only person that has been through everything with me is Bellamy. Not to get all sappy and gross but I genuinely love this man. Feels gross saying that.

I mean it's not like I would ever tell him.

He doesn't need to know.

I wouldn't even know how to tell him anyway.

Octavia found it so easy to say it to Lincoln and he found it just as easy to say it back to her. I have never been one to show my emotions unless I'm joking around or some shit.

I didn't tell my mother I loved her and I'm sure it's because I never really loved her. But my dad has been there for me. Hell he's the reason I'm still alive. I'm only down here because he sent me down. I have only told him I loved him a few rare times.

Lincoln was someone we all needed. His company was one of the most cherished moments of my life and I will never forget his presence. He knew I loved Bellamy and now my secret lies with him forever.

Unless he had told Octavia.

Then I'm screwed.

Literally.