The Silent Girl

16.

tw - self harm

'Ella'

I did as Luke said and got changed into some comfort cloths, a fluffy jumper and lose jogging bottoms. I wanted to wear the jumper because I didn't want to put people off by the marks on my arms. 

I slowly make my way downstairs. The smell of delicious cooking feels my nose. I could hear moving around in the kitchen, so I head there, also the fact I could smell cooking. 

"Um, hi" I mumble, stepping into the kitchen, all four of their heads turn towards my voice. 

"Hey sweetheart" My dad walks the few steps over to me and wraps his arms around my body.

"I'm sorry for running out earlier" I tell him, my still glossy eyes looking up to met his constant concerning eyes. 

"It's alright, you did the right thing but calming yourself down but sweetheart, you need to talk to us ok?" He leads me over to a chair, before pulling it out. I sit down in it slowly. I gasp, in the middle of the table is my lighter and the knife. 

"Luke, I said get rid of them" I whispered, just loud enough to be heard but all of them. 

"I know" He says back, taking a sit opposite me. They all take seats around our table. 

"Ella, I need you to tell me all the places that your hurt" My dad asks me, looking directly at me. 

Haha, if you didn't know me, you'd have no idea I hate attention. So, having four staring concerned faces at you, its the best. 

"My arms, stomach and thighs" I mumble, just loud enough they hear me. 

"Can I see?" My dad asks me gently. I nod slowly, lifting my jumper up. 

I don't look at it, I don't look at the boys, I don't look at my dad. I stare at the table. 

"Oh baby" He coos. "Does it hurt?" 

I nod, a tear falling from my eye. 

"It burns all the time, it's a constant pain. But when I did it, it didn't hurt, when doing the actually burning it didn't hurt as much as it hurts now." I admit slowly, dropping the jumper to fall back to it's usually position. 

"One second" My dad stands up suddenly and walks over to the fridge/freezer. I look back to the boys who were staring at the table, they looked guilty and that made me feel bad. Soon enough, my dad comes back with a ice bag in his hand. He gently lifts my jumper and places it over the burn. He lets go but it just falls so he pulls a chair closer and holds it as we continue. 

"Thank you. That feels like a relief" I admit, tilting my head back to hit the back of the chair. "I'm sorry dad" I whisper to him. 

"Stop apologising baby" He gently caresses my hair while holding the ice pack. "It's going to be ok, isn't it?" He tells me, looking to the boys sat around us. 

"Of course it is" They reply with a defined nod.

"Ells, you need to talk to us ok, whenever you have the need to do this again, you need to talk ok" My dad tells me as I nod, looking down at my lap. 

"I will" I confirm, still nodding. "It stopped my pain at the time but I-" My voice cracks as I put my head to my dad's shoulder. "-It's hurt more now" 

"It's ok" He rubs my hair at the back of my head. "When did you do this?" 

"Last night" I gently pinch my eyes shut in his shoulder, the tears about to fall. 

"Ok" I feel my body get lifted up, and to by my surprise he lays me on the kitchen's sofa. All the boys get up and walk over, sitting on the floor next to me. My dad adjusts the ice pack on my stomach, before kissing my forehead and going over to the kitchen area. 

"Are you guys mad?" I whisper to the boys, wiping at my eyes to remove the few tears. 

"El, we're not mad at you" Luke tells me, squeezing my hand which he was holding. 

"I'm sorry that you have to be involved with this" I whisper, closing my eyes at the guilt that I have. 

"It's ok" Noah whispers, stroking my hair away from my face. 

"I got internet bullied" I whispered, I didn't want dad to hear this. "By those girls, bullying me about you three, thinking we are dating like a threesome but with four. That's why I burnt myself, I was crying and couldn't stop. And I'm sorry I'm offloading this onto you but I needed to get it out and I don't have the notepad right now" 

"It's alright, who bullied you?" Micky asks slowly. 

"Them lot that did it last time" I mumble, with my eyes shut, however I suddenly open them and say, "Please don't tell dad yet, I'm going to talk to Miss Bright about it then I'll tell my dad" 

"Of course Ells, but please talk to us and tell us if they say or do anything ok?" Luke mumbles, squeezing my hand again. 

'end of 16' 

:/

(also harry's new song came out yesterday! as it was! go stream it) 

Posted: 2.4.22