The Silent Girl

49.

'five years later' 

'Ella' 

"You have her passport, her medication, her stress reliefers, every she needs?" My dad pestered my three best friends as we stood by our front door. 

"Dadd, I'm nearly twenty-one, I can manage my own stuff" I say to him, giving my dad a side hug. "I'll be fine" 

"I just never thought my baby girl would be away from me on her twenty first birthday." My dad mumbles, kissing the top of my head gently. 

"She'll be okay" Noah tells my dad, nodding to me gently, knowing how much this trip meant to me. 

"Dad, I said you could of come." I said to him, looking up at him. 

"Baby, I have to work, I couldn't get the time off." 

"I know" I mumble. "I promise I will call and message and facetime you everyday, as many times as I can, I promise" 

"Just have fun baby, but Luke, Noah and Micky, please don't let her go out alone. Please keep my baby safe, please" He squeezes me tightly, not wanting to let go. 

"Dadd, I'll be fine." I tell him again, wiggling out of his grip. "I promise" 

"You are scared of flying" He mumbles against my hand. 

"I'll have my friends and my anxiety pills, I shall be fine." 

~  

"...I shall be fine."

I was not fine. 

We've been in the air for two hours in total, five more hours to go in the air. 

I had two panic attacks, cried multiple times. 

I know right, nearly twenty-one, crying my eyes out over nothing. But that is what happens when you have a horrible past, the rest of your life. You are afraid of everything, your own shadow, unfamiliar faces and the most relevant, new experiences. 

Luke, Noah and Micky were being amazing, but honestly, I was done with his plane journey. Very much done. 

As scared as I was, I managed to get myself comfy and fell into the deep, darkness of peaceful slumber.

~five hours later~

"Wakey, wakey Els" I hear, awaking me from my deep, darkness peaceful slumber, that sometimes, just sometimes, the place I call home. 

"Hmm" I moan, stretching my arms out, feeling my limp limbs fall. 

"Welcome to New York, Ella!" They all yell out, pulling me out of sit and hugging me in a group. 

"Hmm, I'm tired" I mumble into the three of them. 

"You can't be tired on your birthday." They say, pulling back. "Come on, we have so so so so much to do" 

~two days later~ 

"Happy birthday, my beautiful twenty-one year old" My dad yells down the phone as soon as I answer. 

"Thank you dad" I smile to him, chuckling at his yelling. 

"What are you doing today?" He asks, watching me smile into the facetime.

"The boys are making me breakfast, then we are going to the statue of liberty!" I say, smiling down the phone. "I'm so excited" 

"Oh baby, I really hope you have a good day. Have you taken your medication today?" He asks. 

"Yes dad, I have taken my medication. It's ok." I mumble. 

"And you are going to eat?" 

"Yes dad" I laugh.

'Luke'  

 "Oh my, this is amazing" Ella exhales as we reach the top of the statue of liberty. We watch her as she closes her eyes gently, letting the atmosphere take her in. 

Bless her. 

"Please I want this to be my home. Here in New York. It's magical." 

"We can come here whenever you want" I say, putting my hand gently on her back, giving it a gentle rub. 

"Please" 

'end of 49.'

epilogue tomorrow! i'll also would of had my exam results...

Posted: 24.8.22