Illumi's Cat Diary

Day 9

Today, it was a bit hard for me to think. My head was almost empty, except for a constantly reverberating thought of Hisoka. It was just Hisoka this, Hisoka that. What it would be like to work with him, to fight with him. What it would be like to caress his lips with my own. Ok, that was cringe. But, hey, that's kind of what love is. It's weird, and often very cheesy.

Love is hard to explain. There are many dictionary definitions for it, including "a feeling of deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone," and, "a great interest and pleasure in something." (These are both copied directly from a definition I found on Google). Now that I think about it, both definitions describe how I feel towards Hisoka.

I've noticed that it can be tough to be away from him for long periods, especially without talking to him. If we're apart, we need to talk to each other now and then, giving updates on what's happening. We can't be together all the time, and I accept that. Some things, like family affairs, are more personal things that we don't need to be getting into together. But I would much rather have Hisoka to talk to, even if I only had to talk to him over text.

At the same time, I have some sort of interest in him. Not an "Ooh, he's hot, he's interesting," type of interest, but more of a "He's a complicated person, he's interesting" type of interest. I feel the need to learn more about him, and to teach him more about me. I want to know him, I want to be able to talk to him, and I want to be able to sort out our differences.

To me, love is a type of feeling that you get when you've known someone for a long time. And by my definition, it also doesn't mean you know everything about them, like their blood type. Which, I think if someone knows their significant other's blood type, then that's pretty damn creepy. But when you know someone, and you're friends, you feel some type of emotional connection to them.

But assassins don't need friends. I've said it myself. All we need is targets. And maybe people to work with, if the target was going to be hard to kill. All our work relied on killing, being as stealthy as possible. There was almost no room in our hearts, and in our schedules, for friendship.

I want to bypass the rule I've set. But I may have found a loophole. I said that assassins don't need friends. I never said anything about someone to love and care for. To be there for you. To be happy with. Assassins are humans too, after all. And maybe that's all they needed.

Somebody to love. Wouldn't that be nice? 

Word count: 473