Heaven ➳ Taegyu ✔

61. I Can't

A/N: This is officially my longest story in terms of chapters. I cannot thank you all enough for reading this story up to this point. A lot has happened and I can finally tell you guys that it's gonna be over soon. And sorry it took forever sjdjsksk.

Date: May 14th

"I think Kai did a good job singing in the play, don't you?" Taehyun asked, setting his phone aside and running his fingers through Beomgyu's soft brown hair.

He stared up at the sky. The sun was starting to rise, turning the sky into a beautiful mix of orange and pink. Taehyun gulped when he realized what it meant. They spent the night at the waterfall under the stars, kissing, giggling, cuddling, and ranting. Last night was their last night before graduation, which meant that today was it.

Today was the day.

As happy as he was to be leaving one of the things that made his life a hellhole, he was scared. Being free scared him. His entire life, he was always held back, whether it was by his dad or the school. Now he finally got to control his life, and that terrified him.

"Of course," Beomgyu agreed, smiling in comfort against Taehyun's chest. "He's been my best friend since the beginning. And he's an amazing singer."

Taehyun nodded and gently played with Beomgyu's earlobe. It was only the right one that bothered him, but Taehyun had started to internally freak out because of how many times Beomgyu had to say "what?" in their conversations.

"Should we go back home?" Beomgyu asked, pulling away to hover over the blonde.

Taehyun yawned, but tiredly nodded nonetheless. He wanted to treat Beomgyu to breakfast and a shopping spree anyway, so he wasn't really complaining about leaving.

It's just... he was terrified of today.

After breakfast and the mall, it was 5 p.m., which meant that it was time for them to go to the auditorium. When he parked, Taehyun sat there for a second with a blank face and Beomgyu looked over at him.

"You okay?" He asked with his adorable smile and Taehyun nodded.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Beomgyu started getting out of the car and Taehyun panicked. "Hyung."

"What is it?" He asked, closing the door and facing Taehyun again.

"I'm scared Hyung."

"Of graduating?" Taehyun nodded and Beomgyu sighed. "I get it. It's different. You're gonna be able to do what you want now, all the time. It's a lot of freedom that you're not used to. But, like you told me, I'm always here for you. You're not gonna do this alone Taehyun. You're not gonna have to walk alone ever again."

"I love you," Taehyun whispered, giggling when Beomgyu grabbed his face and kissed him on the cheek.

"You're so wild Sweetheart. But you also have a soft heart and a sweet soul. Those are three of my favorite things about you, you know."

Taehyun's eyes softened a bit and he nodded. "Sometimes I remember when I had my breakdown when you were there and... it makes me think about the reasons why I thought I was depressed."

Beomgyu looked at him in concern now and grabbed his hand. "Why?"

"When I try to think about my most prominent memory, it's just... my dad. And it makes me so fucking angry. He's still controlling me, Beomgyu. He's gone," he whispered the last part. "It should be you there. Why is it him?"

"You're just..." Beomgyu sighed. "Holding on. He can be there, Taehyun. It's okay. Don't forget him. Don't forget the pain that he caused. If you forget the pain, then you'll forget how strong you became while overcoming it. Let him be a reminder of how far you've come, but keep him stored away. Think of happier things, but let yourself be reminded of him sometimes. But you have to move on at the same time. You have to move on to be happy. Just try, okay? I'll be here for you."

***

"Beomgyu!" A woman called, and he turned around right when one of his ear plugs were pulled out. "You're listening to music at your graduation?" She asked.

Beomgyu was too in shock to realize what she said at first, but when he did, he snatched the ear plug back. "I need these mom."

He saw his dad, and then got excited when he saw San, immediately running over to hug his older brother. "Hey," San said, hugging him back with a proud smile on his face. "Shouldn't you be backstage?"

"I wanted to see if you were here." He turned around and saw Taehyun waiting for him. "I'll see you afterwards, okay?"

"Alright. Good luck."

Beomgyu smiled and ran over to grab Taehyun's hand and walk backstage with him.

When they all went to sit down, Beomgyu gripped Taehyun's hand tightly. "Nervous?" The younger asked.

"A little bit."

Taehyun just smiled and leaned his head on Beomgyu's shoulder, feeling his hand loosen a little at the skinship. During the time the teachers were talking, Taehyun and Beomgyu both looked over their speeches, barely paying attention to the people over the speakers.

"Now, to start off, Kang Taehyun will deliver the salutatory speech."

His eyes widened as everyone started clapping for him and he stood up. He didn't think of it until this point. After all these years, he was supposed to say good things about these people. The educators expected his speech to say only good things. Truth be told, there were only four students he could say good things about.

He started walking out of their row, but he stopped in fear. He was never that afraid of the spotlight. He would've been okay singing in that play, but now, it seemed like the whole world was watching him. All the enemies he's ever made were sitting in the crowd, watching intently to see if he would make a slip up.

"I can't," he whispered, turning around and holding his hand out to Beomgyu.

There was only one person who's ever given him the courage to face his fears. He needed him right now, one last time before he was in control of his own life.

Beomgyu nodded. "I understand Sweetheart." And they both walked up to the stage together.