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you never wanted to kill them. you swear.
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you sat alone on top of the wall as historia argued with hange for ymir's sake. as they brought in ymir's body you couldn't stop but think about everything she'd gone through. everything historia was telling hange.
it made you think about annie.
were you a bad friend to her? historia understood ymir, she fought for her, she believed in her.
you didn't...?
the last time you spoke to annie, all your words were full of rage and sadness. couldn't you have acted more like historia? like... your sister.
why didn't you fight for annie? you loved her.
you began to panic. did your soldierly duties over come your love for her? or would you even call it that if you were so quick to give her up.
this scared you; the realization that falling in love or love in general was not for you. that you weren't good enough for it because you would pick your duties over love.
you hope that wasn't the case.
you frantically shook your head and hid your hands in your face, mumbling, "no... i did care for her. i really did but, she isn't ymir. she didn't do what ymir did. she was... the threat."
the threat?
you sort of paused for a moment and collected yourself, bringing your hands out from your face you pushed your air back and began to focused to the conversation eren and reiner were having.
even though you listened to them, your eyes focused on eren, you just couldn't seem to focus on him. it was almost like you were blurring him out.
"that makes twice i've nearly died. at this rate, i'll be dead before i know it. i picked this path on my own, but being a soldier is rough."
"what'd you expect? seriously did you think you weren't going to get hurt? did you think you were so invincible that no titan was going to hurt you?"
you shouldn't have said that but, you were just telling him what you couldn't tell yourself... you guess.
