If I Didn't Have You

1

COVER BY: @tuckandtinkerbell

This is kinda a fluff story so I hope this will work as a distraction for most of you. Rest in peace Techno, we love you <333

Warnings:
-None

Sapnap's POV

I walked to my brother's room with slow footsteps. Honestly, I loved my brother with my whole heart, but it caused me so much trouble and work too...

My brother, George, was psychically and intellectually disabled. He couldn't talk, he couldn't walk, he barely communicated either. He just made happy noises because he was always cheerful. He only very rarely cried when he was sad, hungry or had pain.

I recently turned sixteen and George was eighteen. However, mentally he was around the age of two to maximum four years old which caused him to need a lot of care.

That was why my life was pretty much a mess. George got all the attention which was fair, but I just wished I would have been able to spend one day with my parents as well. I really wanted to get a hug or go shopping because I didn't buy any clothes in years. All the money went to George which left me in a poor state.

I had to prepare my food myself, but there was often nothing in the house for me so I ate nothing or some of George's baby food which was disgusting for the record.

A deep breath left my body and I opened the door to George's room. He was laying on his bed, smiling as I came in. He lifted his hands up and made happy sounds which caused me to cheer up too.

Because he was physically disabled, he was also very short since he never grew a lot. His body was pretty much from a child and I figured he was around 4 feet, if not smaller. He was easy to pick up, luckily, because he needed to be lifted up into his wheelchair every day.

He kept making happy sounds and I leaned in to pick him up and hold him for a little bit. He wrapped his arms around me because he was always very happy to see me.

'Did you sleep well, Georgie?'

He was quiet when I talked and looked at me with a happy face, then he hit his arms around with a big smile. I understood that as a yes and gave him a kiss on his forehead.

He was so happy that he wrapped his arms around me to show me his appreciation. That was his way of communicating, communicating through smiling, making sounds and holding someone to show his love.

'Alright, do you want to stand with my help again? You liked that last time.'

He was always quiet when I talked and then had to think about what his reaction would be. He stared at me with an open mouth for a while and then smiled again, making more happy sounds.

'Okay, I'm going to put you down.'

He was giggling softly as I let his feet touch the ground, holding his waist really tightly. He had no idea what to do so I lifted his leg and put it in front of the other. He couldn't stop smiling as I put the other in front of that leg again.

I figured he would be tired after a while and lifted him up again. 'Do you want to go downstairs to your beautiful wheelchair after I cleaned your diaper?'

He thought about what I said and then hit his arms around from happiness. He gave him a soft kiss on his cheek and laid him on his bed to clean him. He couldn't walk or talk and he had no control of his own bladder. He didn't understand that since he was mentally too young.

I cleaned him, gave him a new diaper and then took him downstairs with me. He was constantly making happy sounds and I put him down in his specialised wheelchair.

He didn't have an electric wheelchair because he didn't know how to ride with it himself so he had a very comfy one that someone could push him around in and one that made him sit straight so he wouldn't fall down. He always sat in his wheelchair unless someone held him so he didn't fall down.

I walked to the kitchen and grabbed one bottle with George's baby food. He rarely ate solid food because he choked on it a few times in the past. From then on we always gave him baby food or any other liquid food so he wouldn't choke on it anymore.

I grabbed the smallest spoon I could find for George and looked through the cupboards to see if my parents bought anything for me, but no... obviously not. They bought things for George and for themselves and I didn't even exist. I would be surprised if they even knew they had another son who needed care sometimes.

Instead of thinking about it, I decided to skip breakfast since I wasn't hungry anyway. I sat next to George on a chair and opened the bottle for him, holding a spoon with some baby food on it in front of his face.

He didn't do anything for a while and I saw he wanted to tease me. I rolled my eyes in a playful way as he purposely looked away from the spoon, giggling softly.

'Hey! Don't do that, you need to eat!' I exclaimed, chuckling softly.

He made a happy sound and then opened his mouth to let me feed him. He was probably too hungry to keep his joke up for a long while. I fed him the bottle and gave him something to drink after that, realising I needed to go to school soon.

I genuinely just hated school because I wasn't just invisible at home, but also at school. They bullied me for having a disabled brother, my past and otherwise I was ignored for the whole day which caused me to feel even lonelier...

I just wished for a friend and really loved George, but I couldn't talk to him. He wouldn't understand me and wouldn't be able to say anything back to me when I just needed some comforting words.

I still always went to George when I needed someone the most. I just pulled him on my lap and let him hold me to feel safety around me and to get a hug from a person who genuinely loved me.

But that made me sad too... the person I loved the absolute most couldn't talk to me. I just really wanted someone to tell me I was going to be alright, but instead, I locked myself in my room while I cried...

1099 words