The Patchwork Hearts

Chapter THIRTY SEVEN

Maya

An hour after we finish dinner, I'm three beers in. It's too many, and I have to pee, so I ask where the bathroom is and wobble down the hallway towards it. I relieve myself and wash my hands, then look at myself in the mirror for a second. Who am I?  I mean, I'm definitely Maya Becker, here. They know me, or they did. This family was like my family.  And maybe we can get another chance at that. I am so happy that we came, even with the surprise of the boys being here. Is that the alcohol talking?

   When I step out into the hallway again, I bump right into Holden. Why is he standing in the hallway? I'm a bit drunk and a little confused, and then Landon is yelling at Holden a minute later. It happens fast, and I look away and turn, to go back to the living room.

   I almost said something to him. What was it? I don't know. Was he about to say something to me? Why was he looking at me like that?

   I'm definitely feeling buzzed and now I'm back in the living room sitting next to Nella, who is drinking a bottle of water. She's chatting up a storm with Annie, who is obviously loving this. Honestly, she's glowing. 

   "Oh, Maya, I was just telling Nella that you two should come to the wedding!" Annie says to me, excited, and I feel my breath getting caught in my lungs.

   "Oh. Wow, yeah, that would be so nice," I force myself to say.

   "It'll be small, but now I just can't imagine you girls not being there," she goes on.

   "Let us know the date and location," Nella says, smiling at me. "We will try to make it."

   "We are still deciding where to have it," Annie says, then looks like she's thinking about something. "Oh, I'll show you the venue we visited this week. Let me get the brochure."

   When she's gone, Landon comes back into the room, from the kitchen. He's smiling, but then he plops down onto the couch and says, "This is not how I imagined spending this Saturday night."

    Holden shakes his head at his brother. "Oh, your miss your girlfriend?" He's teasing him.

   "I do, actually. But I'll see her tomorrow," Landon grins. "And tonight has been pretty cool."

   "We should go," I say, but I'm looking at my sister. "Should we go?"

   Nella shrugs. "I'm not in a rush."

   Annie comes back with a stack of wedding venue pamphlets and starts showing them all to us. We look and listen as she excitedly tells about each place. I like this, sitting there with my sister and Annie, talking about her upcoming wedding.

   "We got married at a little church just outside of town," Nella says, surprising me. "But we had the reception at George's parent's house. They live in Portland."

   "That sounds lovely," Annie tells her, warmly, placing the stack of pamphlets onto the coffee table.

   It's a shock to me, though, because Nella's never really told me about her wedding. She doesn't like to talk about it because I was gone, then. I get that. Nella emailed me and tried calling. She wanted me to come back for her wedding, but I ignored her requests. It was too soon after I'd left. I was stuck in a relationship that I knew wasn't good, even then. But I didn't give my sister an explanation. I just didn't show up.

   But now Nella is telling Annie about her wedding, and I've only ever seen that big print of their wedding photo, her and George holding hands walking back up the aisle. It's framed and on their wall, in their living room. I've seen it so many times now and I always feel a spike of pain in my chest. Guilt, for not being there. Regret, for missing it.

   "What about the beach, by the old house?" Landon speaks up, suddenly.

   "What about it?" Annie asks him.

   "You said Eddie wants to get married on the beach. You could do an outdoor wedding and rent those big tents and do the party in the yard. The property is huge, and you'd save a lot-"

   Holden reaches out and hits his brother's arm. Landon whines and rubs it, but still looks like he wants his Mom's opinion on this. Is he suggesting they have the wedding on the property where Holden lives?

    Annie looks torn, and now she's looking at Holden. "Well, that's an idea. But, of course, it's Holden's house now. And it would be a lot of work." I can tell by the look on her face that she likes the idea, though.

   "Talk to Eddie about it. Honestly, Holden and I can do a lot of the work. And you'd save on the venue, which is a lot. We'd just have to get food, rent the tents and tables and chairs..." Landon goes on, as if he's already planning it all out in his head.

   Holden still looks mad for a minute, but gives up, and sighs. Annie smiles at him. "Land, I didn't know you were so invested in the wedding," Holden tells him, then I see him smirk.

   "We will have to see how Eddie recovers, too. He won't want to get married in a wheelchair," she laughs, but then turns back to Nella and I. "Wow. I'm serious, you four all here is really... it's making me emotional. How I wish Louise was here."

   My stomach drops and I look at Nella, who's still smiling. We don't really talk about our mom, but Annie doesn't know that. I'm trying to remember to breathe and when I look up I see that everyone is avoiding looking at me - except Holden. He watching for my reaction. I feel like the room is spinning.

   It's after 9P.M. when we thank Annie and give her hugs, and then head to the door. She had quite a day and I can tell she's exhausted, but she's not rushing us out the door, either. After she hugs us another time, she says we have to come again, for a proper meal to and meet Eddie, and we agree. I feel okay overall, even though we were blindsided by Holden and Landon, and I never once considered this as one of the options for what would happen this evening.

   Landon has disappeared again but Holden is following Nella and I outside. Nella waves at him and walks towards her car, and I give him one last look before turning away. I'm not as drunk anymore but I don't trust myself to talk, either.

   His hand on my arm stops me. "Maya."

   "Yeah?" I say, without thinking. Our eyes meet again and I can't move or think or breathe.

   "Thank you. For staying. For doing this, for my mom."

   He's thanking me. Holden is thanking me for coming over for dinner. He didn't know about it, four hours ago. His mom didn't even tell him. And now, at the end of the night, he's thanking me.

   I nod, then blink. "Okay. I mean, yeah. Of course."

   He's still got his hand on my arm and my body is burning. Am I embarrassed? I don't know what I'm feeling, at all. And then he moves his hand and steps back. He's not going to say anything else. I have to go. Nella is waiting.

   I'm down the steps and almost at the car when he calls out to me again. I freeze, as if I'd been expecting it.

   "Maya! I think we should talk."

   I look back over my shoulder, not fully turning back. I am looking at him, right in the eyes again. He looks torn, and confused, and as if he knows exactly what he wants. He's standing up tall, his hair falling into his eyes, waiting for my answer.

   But then I just shrug. "'Maybe. But not tonight."

   And then I'm inside Nella's car, panting like I just ran three miles away from a monster. Nella doesn't say a word as she pulls out of the driveway.