The Patchwork Hearts

Chapter FORTY SEVEN

Maya

Holden walks into the coffee shop, already looking around for me. It's the first of May already and I've only talked to him once since that cook-out at Nella's. That night, a week ago, I had my first fight with Marcus and my first actual connection in four years, with Holden. It was something to me, anyway. I called his name as he was leaving. He turned and looked back at me, but neither of us said anything. I spent the next three days wondering what he wanted to say, and regretting not saying anything. So I called him.

   I asked him to meet me for coffee, so we could talk. I have been pretty out of sorts for the last week and I just want this to go okay. Holden is back in my life, and that is a good thing. We somehow got past the extreme awkwardness and now we are just us, Holden and Maya, two people who used to know each other. But I keep thinking about when we were kids. We were best friends. I keep having dreams and flashbacks to when we were dating. And I know that it all means something. And Marcus isn't the only one who noticed that I was staring at Holden, at the cook-out. Nella gave me shit about it that night, too.

   "Hey," Holden grins now, pulling out the chair across from me.

   It's a coffee shop a bit out of town, because he just got back from dropping off Landon at school. He's wearing a button down short sleeved shirt, black, and a gray t-shirt under it. And jeans that fit him very well.

   "Hi," I say, keeping my eyes on  his. It's after 8P.M.

   I skipped dinner tonight with everyone because Marcus was hosting. We haven't talked since our fight the previous Sunday. It's been so weird, because he had just started texted me daily, and now nothing. Nella's been acting weird about it, too. She told me I should suck it up and go to the dinner anyway. She suggested that Marcus and I needed to talk. But I chose to act like a child and run from that situation, too. I mean, Marcus is the one who walked away from me that night.

   "I ordered two coffees," I tell Holden.

   "Oh, perfect," he says, smiling at me.

   "So..." I begin, but suddenly I can't seem to find any words. I want to tell him that I've been thinking about us. I want to say that there's a lot we need to talk about. But I just sit there looking at him, my mouth a bit open.

   "Maya, this last month has been... so good for me. I got the exhibit offer and I've been working so hard, and I'm really glad that we have been able to, you know, be around each other. It's been good. Right?" Holden starts talking instead.

   "Yeah." I nod, and move my coffee mug to my other hand.

   "Your boyfriend seemed pretty mad last weekend. I mean, I know that must have been weird for him, that I was there," he goes on. "I mean, if he even knew who I was. You didn't really introduce us."

   I swallow hard and squeeze the ceramic coffee mug. "Sorry, I know. It was awkward," I say. But then I add, "He's not my boyfriend."

   "He broke up with you? Because Nella invited Landon and I-"

   "No, Holden, he was never my boyfriend," I spit out.

   "What? He kissed you... you two were..."

   I smile, realizing only now that Holden actually thought Marcus and I were together. And by his reaction, Holden is surprised to hear that we weren't. "Yeah. We'll we've been casual... for awhile."

   "Casual?"

   "Yeah, you know..." I say, but don't finish. I can't say the words.

   "Oh. Like casually fucking." Holden doesn't even question this. He's not judging me.