The Patchwork Hearts

Chapter THIRTY EIGHT

Holden

I can't sleep. I've stayed the night at this house before, a few times. It's usually when I go for dinner or a visit and I end up having a few too many beers, with Eddie. There's about three empty bedrooms, that all have twin sized beds, and right now I'm laying in one, two hours after Maya and Nella leave. I can hear Landon in the bedroom next door, talking to Julia. He's not even whispering.

   I want to sleep. It was such a weird day. I woke up and was ecstatic about the email from the art gallery, in New York City. I am going to do a phone interview on Monday. More than likely, the exhibit is actually going to happen. But then we got the call about Eddie and I'd been here at Mom's house ever since. I cleaned her house. I ate a meal with Maya and Nella. I drank too many beers and followed them outside, instead of just letting them go. And then I touched her. I reached out and grabbed onto Maya's arm, as if it was something I was allowed to do. The electricity that shot through my body at that touch told me that I was still as connected to her as ever, even with all these years in between. Even with the mess that we created.

   So, of course, this is why I can't sleep. I'm thinking about Maya and what she's doing. I'm wondering if she felt that electricity, too. I'm trying to convince myself to stop going down this rabbit hole, but it's not working. Not even a little bit.

   There's scrambled eggs and bacon and coffee all ready when I make my way downstairs in the morning. When I'm on my own all week, my breakfast is usually my coffee. Sometimes I'll have a piece of toast. So I'm feeling spoiled by this. Both Landon and Mom love cooking. She's sitting at the table, her newspaper spread out in front of her. She sees me come into the kitchen, and she smiles immediately.

   "Did you sleep okay?" she asks, bringing her coffee mug up to her mouth.

   "Yeah, of course," I lie. "What time will Eddie be released?"

   "That sounds like he's in jail," she laughs, then nods to the counter. "Eat up. We will leave here at 10A.M."

   "Okay. Landon wants us to drop him off at his girlfriend's house when we leave," I say, already pouring some coffee for myself.

   "He'll have to get up soon, then," Mom smiles. "He seems pretty serious about her, no?"

   "He is. I told him to be safe and respectful. I think that's all we can do," I say, without really thinking.

   "Holden, you are so amazing."

   This catches me off guard. "Why?"

   She lets out a laugh. "You're such a good brother, you always have been. Oh, and we didn't talk about the art gallery exhibit!"

   I smile, because I was wondering when she'd bring that up again. "I have a phone meeting on Monday, with the owners."

   "Holden! Damnit, I'm so proud of you." She's beaming.

   "Thanks, Mom. I mean, it's all because of you," I tell her, pulling out a chair across from her.

   I sit and put the plate of eggs in front of me. She's looking at me carefully.

   "What do you mean by that?"

   "You made me smarten up and start painting again. You know that," I say, then shrug. "It could have gone the other way. I wasn't exactly on a good path, there."

   "I just wanted you to know that I believed in you. I knew this smart, amazing, talented boy was in there, under all the pain and the hurt." She's so serious when she says this, and then realizes what it means. "Holden, was it hard for you, yesterday? With Maya here?"

   I don't know how to answer that. It was a shock, seeing her. It took awhile to wrap my head around the fact that my mom invited her and her sister over for dinner. But once she was there, it didn't feel wrong. My mom wasn't the only one who liked us all being back together again. 

   "It was fine," I say, because anything else will force her to ask more questions. "I know you want this, spending time with Maya and Nella, so... I'm fine with it."

   "And... about the wedding, at the house?" she asks, then sips her coffee. She's trying to casually bring this up again. "I have a feeling Eddie will love that idea."

   "You do, too," I say.

   She nods. "Yeah, I do."

   I swallow hard. I'm pretty much a hermit. I don't see a lot of people and I prefer my alone time to anything, really, besides being with Landon. But I love my mom. I would do anything to make her happy.

   "If that's what you want, I'm more than happy to start planning," I tell her, before picking up a piece of bacon and shoving it into my mouth.

   The smile on her face lets me know I did the right thing, by pushing any trepidations I may have about hosting a wedding at my house. My mom deserves the world.

We drop Landon off at Julia's house, which is practically on the way to the hospital, and then continue on. A nurse wheels Eddie out and I get out and help him into the back seat. I have my truck, which makes it a bit hard, but we manage. Mom's car is still in the shop, and I make a mental note to ask her about that later.

   Eddie talks our ears off for the whole drive back, going on and on about how the nurses came in every two hours all night and he didn't get a good sleep. His leg is in a cast up past his knee and he has both crutches and a wheelchair, that they are renting. He's generally an active guy and I can tell he's going to have a hard time with this, being stuck sitting down for the next few weeks.

   Back at their house, I help him out of the truck and Mom pushes his up the sidewalk in the wheelchair. I help get him up the porch and into the house, but then it hits me that Honey has been home alone for almost a full day.

   "Thank you for all your help, Holden," Eddie says, once he's settled into the living room, on the couch. "We are so grateful for you."

   "Oh, of course. Get lots of rest, okay? And let me know when your appointments are? I'll take you, since you'll need help getting around," I tell him. It's not like I have anything else important to do.

   Mom hugs me hard and thanks me again before I go on my way, back down towards the truck.

   It's weird driving alone in my truck, especially on a Sunday morning. I can't get home soon enough, and I'm greeting by a very happy, hungry dog. I fill her bowls and wait for her to eat, then clip on her leash and take her outside.

   While I'm out walking with her, I look all around the property. I can picture where the big tents would go, with tables and chairs under them. I can imagine some folding chairs set out on the beach, not far from the water, where they'd say their vows. This space is so special to us, to my family, that it makes sense for my mom to get married here. I should have suggested it myself.

   There's this one spot down here that I've always avoided, for the past few years. It's about thirty feet from the house and there's a tree, some grass, but mostly sand. That spot is where I took Maya for our first "date". We were just kids, fourteen and fifteen, but I made sandwiches and packed drinks and some fruit and I told her to meet me there, by that tree. I had a big red blanket down and we sat together and ate, and talked. And I kissed her for the first time. And I kissed her so many more times in that spot, over the next few years.

   Now, as I walk past this spot, I don't feel that overwhelming dread. I feel okay. Maya is back in my life, in a way, and I didn't expect any of this. But maybe she'll agree to talk to me. Maybe we can work out whatever we need to, to move on.