Dangerous Muse (ASHLEY 10) ☑

Chapter 6

|Chapter|6|Simple|

I'm scared to tell him the truth, so I lied. It's easier... and safer. Now I understand why people lie anytime. Sometimes, it's not because they don't want to reveal the truth, rather, they are protecting it. And because they are well aware of the changes it might cause. Changes... that are horrid... that will break trust... that will ruin a very precious relationship. Those changes are inevitable.

"Kung ganoon, matagal ka na palang  nagma-martial arts?" He curiously asked.

I nodded as my answer, not meeting his gaze. We are friends again, walang confirmation galing sa kaniya o sa akin, pero alam kong magkaibigan kami ulit. Or did we even stopped being friends? Siya ang umalis, ibig sabihin ba nun pati ang pagkakaibigan namin ay nawala? No, right?

Friends should be honest with each other, I know. But I just can't tell him the truth for now. Alam ko rin kasi kung ano ang mangyayari kung sakaling malaman niya ang totoo. He will leave again, and this time it will never be because he don't have a choice, but because he will eagerly choose it.

Sinabi ko sa kaniyang nag-aral ako ng martial arts, pero huminto rin pagkatapos ng ilang taon para magfocus sa pag-aaral. And I also told him na may uncle akong pulis, na iyon ang taong tinutukoy kong bahala na sa tatlong lalaking pinatulog ko. He believed me. At hindi ako sigurado kung ano dapat ang maramdaman ko...

Relief? No, I will never feel that. Because I'm certain he'll discover the truth soon... and the fact that he will still choose to run away from me will never change. I'm expecting it to happen... just like before. Ang kaibahan lang ngayon... ay mas maaga ko itong inaabangan, inaasahan kong mas maaga itong mangyayari.

"Do you think it's enough?"

"He don't have a choice-"

"Fuck that reason, Muse!" Inisang lagok niya lang ang laman ng wine glass niya, "that guy is obviously-"

"What?" Putol ko sa kaniya, my glare sharpened, "obviously what, Fheris?"

Napa-iling ito at nagsalin ulit ng wine sa kaniyang baso. Hindi ko sinabi sa kaniyang bumalik na si Jeremiah. He just coincidentally saw me with him earlier, sa hallway. Luckily, he's not with any of my brothers, which is very rare to happen.

"You almost lost your mind when he suddenly left you, Muse." Umigting ang panga niya, "It was the first time you cried like that... and to think that you cried in front of all of us..." he seriously stated and then heavily sighed afterwards, "he's your weakness."

"He is my friend. Kaya normal lang na masaktan ako ng ganoon." Diin ko.

"I don't think so..." lumagok siya ng inumin, habang nasa malayo ang tingin, "do you love him, Muse?"

Umawang ang mga labi ko dahil sa tanong niya, para akong saglit na nabato at nanlamig. When he was about to look at me, I immediately diverted my eyes somewhere else.

"I-I don't... well, I like him as my friend-"

"I hope so." Siya naman ngayon ang pumutol sa sasabihin ko, "I really hope so, Muse. I don't want to see you cry like that again... lalong lalo na dahil sa nerd na iyon."

The conversation I had with Fheris did not left my mind. Kahit pa ilang araw na ang lumipas ay hindi parin ito nawawala sa isipan ko.

Love? Do I love him like that? Do I want to be in a romantic relationship with him? Do I wish to be more than friends with him? I'm not certain. It's not a no, and probably not a yes as well.

He explained to me everything. Nagka-utang ang Tito niya sa isang negosyante, may-ari raw ng mga casino. Mahilig daw kasi sa sugal ang Tito niya. Nagkataong na-aksidente ang Tito niya kaya nahirapan silang bayaran ang utang nito. Lumipat muna sila ng matitirhan noon sa probinsya, para umiwas sa mas malaking gulo, bumalik din naman daw sila kaagad dito sa Manila nang mabayaran na nila ng buo ang utang.