Dangerous Muse (ASHLEY 10) ☑

Chapter 14

|Chapter|14|Stay|

Fheris let me cry my heart out. He didn't asked me why, he didn't bother lending me a tissue nor stop me from sobbing so loud. He just let me go some of my pain, dry my own tears, calm myself-- which I barely do. And I  appreciated it so much. He knew I needed space, silence and peace.

Letting someone you love go hurts... a lot. But sometimes, it's the only way to make things right.. and that truth hurts more. Kasi alam mong mali kapag... nanatiling kayo.

Nang makarating kami sa airport ay siya na mismo ang umasikaso sa mga bagahe ko, siya lang ang may ginawa. Dahil nakatulala lang ako buong oras. Ni hindi ko namalayang nasa loob na kami ng eroplano.

Nasa himpapawid na kami nang biglang hilain ni Fheris ang ulo ko papunta sa kaniyang balikat. Humikbi ako at tiningala siya. His eyes are both deep and blank, yet when he stretched his reddish lips, his whole facial expression transformed into something comforting.

He gave me a warm smile, "I know you want to cry more, but please take a break for now."

May lumapit na flight attendant sa amin, Fheris bought me something to drink. Pinahawak niya sa akin ang binili niya, pero kalaunan ay kinuha rin at nilagay sa cup holder. Napansin niya sigurong wala akong balak na inumin ito.

Nanatiling nasa balikat ni Fheris ang ulo ko buong flight. Umiiyak parin ako. But I am controlling my sobs this time, making sure that only me and Fheris can hear the noise I am doing. Hindi ako nakatulog, kahit pa ang bigat-bigat na ng mga mata ko.

I forced myself to stop crying the moment we arrived France. The trace of dried tears on my face is obvious, and I did not bother to cover it up. Gusto kong makita ni Isaah na ayaw kong samahan siya sa bansang 'tu, na wala akong pakealam kung magpakamatay man siya mamaya o bukas!

I don't understand why Lola Purple seems to be protecting Isaah's family so much, lalong-lalo na si Isaah. All I ever know is that Mr. Mendez is her close friend before. Iyon lang. I don't want to think much, dahil kung saan-saan ako nito dinadala.

"You won't fix yourself?" Fheris asked me, after he's done with his seatbelt.

"Why would I? Kahit naman halatang kagagaling ko lang sa pag-iyak, maganda parin ako." I stated the fact.

He sighed and instructed our driver to bring us straight to the hospital where Isaah's father is currently confined. My body is already here on France, but my mind is stil there--- left at our school... and my heart is also missing.

Pilit kong huwag alalahanin ang mga nasaksihan ko kanina. Pero hindi iyon magawa ng sarili kong utak. Instead, I kept on remembering every words and actions I witnessed. Para ako nitong tinutudyo.

My prefrontal cortex keeps on selecting that scene. Temporal robe, keeps on whispering me those words. Hippocampus, stuck with that episode.

Entorhinal Cortex, didn't want to leave that part. Perirhinal cortex, didn't want to leave that place.

Basal Ganglia, won't stop reminding me of how much it hurts. Amygdala, spreads the pain in my system.

All of me stays there, stays at that very moment my heart broke, at that very minute he consoled her, at that very second I heard my own heart-- shattering.

Isaah is indeed devastated. Gone the pessimistic guy. Halos hindi na ito ngumingiti. He only smiled at me once. Ayaw kong maawa sa kaniya, dahil mas dapat kong kaawaan ang sarili ko. Pero pilit akong hinihila ng konsensya ko sa kaniya.

It's true that I don't really like him. And I still don't like him now, not even a bit. It was pity that I felt. Siguro, kaya ako nakokonsensya, ay dahil alam kong mas kawawa naman talaga siya. What he experienced was very traumatic. At iyong sa akin... simpleng pagkawasak lang ng puso.