Dangerous Muse (ASHLEY 10) ☑

Chapter 19

|Chapter|19|Coincidence|

Every cloud has its silver lining, that phrase is often used to cheer someone up. Sa kaso ko, hindi naman sa pagpapaawa pero walang ganoon sa akin. Maybe because all of them thought I can handle my emotions very well, pero hindi lang nila alam, I often thought of ending my own life before. I look strong and brave, I admit I intend to look like that. And sometimes, I regret not showing them how weak I actually am.

Mahirap magpanggap na okay ka lang, pero mas mahirap kapag walang nakakapansin na hindi ka talaga okay. Self-pity, that's so pathetic. But I always do that.

No one will ever learn how weak you are, but yourself. No one will ever discover how broken you are, but yourself. No one will ever understand your pain, but yourself. No one will ever notice your deepest struggles, but yourself.

Yes, sometimes, people think they are too transparent, that everyone knows them very well, pero hindi naman talaga. If you have a best of friend, do you honestly think you can run to them anytime? That they will always understand you? That they won't get tired of hearing your troubles in life? Hindi diba? There are times that you'll doubt, and that's the thing, we are never really certain 'bout our decisions, there will always be that single percent of doubt in every 'I'm very sure' statement.

"Isaah needs you, hinahanap ka niya sa akin, Muse. Nasaan ka na ba kasi? I thought you'll show up today? Muse, gusto ko nang umuwi." Napipikong saad ni Fheris.

I sighed and ended the call. Tinapon ko sa backseat ang cellphone ko nang muli itong nag-ring. I frustratingly brushed my hair using my fingers and then slammed the steering wheel. I closed my eyes and cursed myself once again. What am I doing here?

I gritted my teeth as I slowly opened my eyes. Sakto namang kalalabas lang ni Jeremiah mula sa kaniyang kotse pagkadilat ko. My eyes followed him, he's entering the restaurant now. Nalaman ko kanina sa kay Kuya Third na may kikita-in si Jeremiah ngayon, it wasn't meant for me, hindi ako ang kausap niya kanina kundi si Dad, I just... unintentionally heard their conversation. And I don't know... when I learned about him meeting someone else in this restaurant, I just, before I realized I am driving to this place already.

Fheris will certainly get mad at me for changing my mind, but maybe mock me too if he'll know what I'm doing right now. Sinabi kong itutulak ko siya palayo, pero ako ngayon itong habol nang habol. I honestly... think I'm insane and obsessed with Jeremiah. Fuck.

At the back of my mind, I know why I'm here, I know why I followed him instead. I want to know who he's meeting. If ever it's a woman, I wanna see if she's deserving of him first hand. I'm jealous, and it can't be helped. But it's more important for me, to make sure he'll choose someone great and not no one better than me.

What if the woman is deserving? A question popped inside my mind. Natigilan ako saglit. Am I going to give him up if ever? Can I really do that?

Makalipas ang ilang minuto ay bumaba na rin ako sa aking sasakyan. Breast out, erect posture, and chin up, I went inside the restuarant. The guard opened the door for me, greeted me with a smile, and when his eyes lingered on my body more than how it should, a smirk made its way to my lips.

See? I'm not even trying, but I look gorgeous anyways. Mas lalo pang tumaas ang kompanysa ko sa aking sarili nang makita kong halos lahat ay napapatingin talaga sa gawi ko, mapalalaki man o babae.

I am only wearing a nude suplice neck ruched bodycon dress, four inch stilettos, my hand carrying my Hermes Birkin 25 ombre lizard palladium hardware--- a gift from Kuya Second. I actually didn't have enough time to apply make-up, so I only put a lipstick on and  mascara, my brows looks presentable enough so I didn't bother doing it. I left my hair down. I even forgot to wear some jewelry! Nagmamadali kasi ako kanina.