perf*ct (boy × boy) ✔

twenty-one: i like you more

nathan dawson's pov:

"H-hey, Solar.." I wasn't sure why I was so nervous, but I could barely get the words out of my mouth when he turned around and our gazes locked.

"I'd walk you h-home, but.." I glimpsed at his car. "Want to do something else? Like, uh, I don't know. Sit i-in your car and talk? Or go for a walk?" 

How stupid could one possibly sound?

"Actually, just forget I said anything." I stammered, my cheeks burning. I turned on my heels, ready to escape from the crime scene. But before I could get the door open again, I felt Solar's narrow fingers enfolding my wrist.

"Let's go for a walk." He smiled at me and gently pulled my wrist, guiding me towards the street. Thankfully it was my wrist he was holding, because I didn't want him to know how sweaty my palms were. Although, to be fair, I'm pretty sure he could tell how nervous I was just by looking at me.

Once we made it to the street, Solar let go of my wrist, but he walked so close to me our arms nearly brushed each other. And I was desperately trying to figure out something,  that wouldn't sound too stupid, to say.

"That's the second t-time you've saved me." I mumbled. "A-and, um, thank you."

How I wished I could function like a normal human being, even just for one conversation. But being near Solar didn't exactly make it easy for me. I'm not even sure why he had such a strong impact on me. At first I thought it was because I was scared he would punch me in the face all over again, but I wasn't intimidated by him anymore. I'm not even sure when that changed.

But let's be real: Solar isn't a chainsaw murdered. I was starting to think he was actually a really sweet guy behind his quick temper and the fierce look in his dark gray eyes. He was the kind of guy who could talk to no end about books and stars and all the things that made his eyes lit up with excitement. 

So, if I wasn't intimidated by him, there really weren't that many other choices. I was into him, no question there. 

Wait, shit. Was I really into him?

I was into many people though, or at least I had thought I had been before I met Solar. With him it was all in the next level: the way my breathing hitched when he walked in the room, the way I started stammering the minute I was supposed to talk to him and the way my stupid heart kept pounding in my chest whenever he came close to me.

"I know where I want to go." Solar glanced at me with a mischievous glint in his eyes and reached for my hand. I grimaced inwardly, knowing how sweaty it must have felt. Solar didn't seem to mind though, instead he started leading me into this small copse near my home.

I could think of a few things people came there to do, but I doubted Solar was going to do any of those things. Not to me or with me. After a short walk, during which I could hear the rustle of broken branches underneath our feet and the throbbing of my heart.

"I found this place during my first week in town." Solar explained, his face lit up with enthusiasm, when we made it to the ruins of some old building. There was nothing else left than the stone foundation, covered in moss. I tried to imagine him walking there all alone, so near my home and not yet knowing anyone in town.

Solar made it seem so easy when he climbed to sit on the stone, but I knew I would only end up making myself a complete fool if I tried the same. Still, as he reached out for me and offered to help me to climb up, I found myself following in his footsteps. 

"I like your family." Solar told me. Then he was quiet for a while, before he chuckled. "Okay, maybe not Nicholas, but the others."

"Why don't you like him?"

He didn't say anything for a long while, which made me regret opening my mouth. I was afraid I had crossed some invisible line, the kind that was obvious to anyone who had even some basic sense of human interactions. 

"Well.. He's kind of a prick sometimes." Solar glimpsed at me before quickly turning his gaze away. "No offence."

"I know."

"He got into a fight with a friend of mine a while back." Solar admitted then, making my chin drop in surprise. 

"Sorry." I breathed, lowering my gaze.

"Why? You're not your brother's keeper." Solar wrapped his hand around my shoulders, pulling me into a half-hug and I had to remind myself to breathe. How could he make it seem so casual? One could almost think we had been friends for years.. 

"Besides, that's not the only reason I don't like him. Everyone thinks he's this perf*ct guy and that's annoying." Solar muttered then, furrowing his eyebrows. 

"He kind of is." I pointed out sourly.

"No, he's not." Solar shook his head. Then, after seeing my puzzled expression, he explained: "Perf*ction is an illusion, it doesn't exist. Nothing is perf*ct and if something seems flawless it's either fake or you're not looking close enough. Think about Nicholas. Can you tell me something that isn't perf*ct about him?" 

"Well.. He can be a bit selfish sometimes."

"Good. What else?" Solar smiled at me, urging me to go on. 

"He lets his friends laugh at me even though he knows it hurts me. And.. I don't know. He hangs toilet paper the wrong way." Bad mouthing Nicholas made me feel guilty, but saying those things out loud was actually helpful in a way.

"See? He's not perf*ct. He just seems that way, because no one is looking close enough." 

"But everyone likes him m-more than me." I let out a heavy sigh.

"Not everyone. I like you more than I like him. A lot more. You're not perf*ct and you don't try to make people think you are. You're real and I love that about you." Solar's arm still on my shoulders along with his words made my cheeks burn and I quickly looked away. 

Maybe he wasn't that out of reach after all? He was completely out of my league, for sure, but was it possible he had somehow missed that part?

°°°°

"Hi, honey." Mom greeted me with a soft voice when I closed the door behind me. Just between you and me, I was on cloud nine after the time I had spent with Solar. I had even forgotten the aching of my jaw and mouth, and for once I hadn't worried about Jonathan or falling behind at school. 

"Come sit down, there's something we want to talk about." Mom continued, glancing at Jeffrey who was already lounging on the couch with Nicholas and Jonathan. Their expressions gave nothing away, so I couldn't tell if they were going to tell us good or bad news. Either way, I could feel my chest tightening when I sat down next to Nicholas.