perf*ct (boy × boy) ✔

fifty: sorry to disappoint you, love

solar clarke's pov:

The entire week I had to witness a cat and mouse game between Nicholas, Alex Crespo and the sneaker guy. I could tell Nicholas was scared to tell the truth and that it might cost him his friends, but if he kept acting the way he did now, he was going to lose them either way.

Nathan and I were laying on the oriental carpet in our living room, and successfully avoiding homework. Nathan leaned on his shoulders and munched M&M's a sour look on his face. I knew eating was his way to cope with stress, but I figured giving him something else to think about wouldn't hurt.

"Have you decided what you want to do after graduation?" As much as thinking about it stressed me out, we needed to start applying into colleges soon. It was something I dreaded knowing just as much as I was dying to find out: what if he wanted to study in a college hundreds of miles away from me? What would come of us if he did? 

I wouldn't even allow myself to think about the option that after Frostford High we would go our separate ways. I had only gotten Nathan into my life and I wasn't planning on letting him go any time soon, but I wasn't sure if he had other plans for us.

"It scares me." Nathan admitted quietly after he had swallowed the content of his mouth. "I feel like everyone else has it all figured out, but I still have no idea what I want to do."

"I bet none of us has everything figured out yet." I gave him a small smile. Nathan sat up cross-legged and I did the same, sitting so close to him our knees pressed together. "I want to study linguistics, but that's about all I know for sure."

"So that you'll become a speech-language pathologist? You could help kids like me." Nathan suggested, a playful grin brightening up his features.

"That's actually not a bad idea." I sat up a little straighter. "I only knew I wanted to learn more about languages and how they work, but being a speech-language pathologist would be so awesome. You're a genius!"

I cupped Nathan's cheeks and captured his lips into a kiss that tasted like chocolate. When I parted from the kiss, still leaning in so close the tips of our noses touched, Nathan lowered his gaze  and let out a shaky breath. 

"I have a few options, but.." Nathan trailed off, as if he was about to say something that might be really bad for our relationship. His voice was tremulous, when he continued: "I-I won't go too far from Frostford. I want to be able to see Jonathan as often as p-possible."

He didn't say it out loud, but I knew he had the same worries as I did. He too was afraid of what would happen to us, if I wanted to study in a college hundreds of miles away.

"Well, that's good news." A broad relieved smile spread on my lips when I held up his chin, so that I could meet his eyes. "My first choice is only fifteen minutes from Frostford."

"Really?" Nathan's eyes lit up, making the blue of them look almost unreal. "D-do you think we'll.. Are we going to stay together after graduation?"

"Isn't that the plan?" I whispered and as Nathan nodded, I pulled him into another kiss. My heart started thudding when I felt his fingertips brushing the back of my head before his hands settled on the nape of my neck. I tipped Nathan to lie on his back, my hands on his back to make sure he wouldn't fall too fast or hurt himself.

I lowered myself down onto my elbows and brought our lips back together. Nathan's hands circled around my waist, pulling me closer, showing only a hint of hesitation. The kiss was soft at first, but turned deeper and eagerer than any of our previous ones in no time. I ran my palm along his side until I felt the warmth of his bare skin where the hem of his shirt had inched upwards. 

"Uhm, Solar.." Nathan chuckled then and moved my hand from under his shirt. For a second or two I felt a twinge of rejection, but then Nathan hurried to explain: "We're in your living room and your parents might not appreciate it if they found us making out on their precious carpet."

"Yeah, true." I laughed then, rolling on my back and hiding my face behind my hands. "And I completely forgot granny is in the next room."

"That too." Nathan grinned, running a hand through his already ruffled up hair and clearing his throat. Then I felt him resting his head on my chest. My heart was still thudding and Nathan's chest was heaving, so at least we had gotten our minds off Nicholas. 

°°°°

"I remember you once telling me that I can't run away from everyone." I heard Nathan scolding Nicholas when we were on the lunch line.

"And you told me you weren't running from everyone." Nicholas lifted an eyebrow, his expression asking: what does this have to do with anything?

"Then you told me not everyone is out to get me." Nathan stopped to take a long, saddened look at the ground beef sandwich on his tray. Then he turned to look at his brother again: "It wasn't bad advice. You should try it yourself."

"I hate it when you get all smart on me." Nicholas pointed out with a frown, before following Nathan to our table. I sat next to Nathan, already half-waiting for Alex Crespo and the sneaker guy to join us. 

And they did, this time before Kieran, Johnny, Audrey Grace or Harper had shown up. They did so without a word and started eating like there was no conflict going on between them and Nicholas. Nicholas, on the other hand, let his fork drop on the table with a loud clank and turned to glare at his friends.

"You're not going to leave me alone until I start talking, right?" He hissed.

"Right." Alex Crespo agreed and the sneaker guy backed him up by nodding vigorously.

"I'm gay and I have a boyfriend." Nicholas declared. When his friends just gaped at him, unable to find the words, he snapped: "Here you have it, happy now?"

It felt like the entire cafeteria must have heard it, because for a long, long while the murmur around us turned to dead silence. It was like everyone was holding their breath and waiting for the answer. 

"Yeah, well, we kind of figured that out when we saw you making out with that Anshil guy at David's party." Alex Crespo broke the silence and waved his hand dismissively.

"What? You already knew?" Nicholas' jaw dropped as he stared at his friends. "And you don't mind about it?"

"Why would we?" The sneaker guy knitted his eyebrows.

"Because of all that shit you talk about? All those stupid queer jokes you make?"

"You always started it, so.. I don't know. We just did it to humor you." Alex Crespo tucked a strand of brown hair behind his ear, averting his gaze. At least he was aware enough to not seem proud about his behavior. "But it's not like I have anything against gays or trans or whatever."

Nicholas let out a small "oh", his expression still dubious. He had spent months trying to hide the truth to his twin, who turned out to be pan, his parents, who accepted him in a heartbeat, and his friends, who turned out to be sheeps mimicking his "hatred". At the end of the day, Nicholas Dawson being gay just wasn't that big of a deal.

"So, can we go back to being friends now?" Alex Crespo gave Nicholas a tight half-embrace with a manly pat on his shoulder. I almost decided it was time to stop despising those two less known false gods, but then Alex Crespo gestured towards us grandiloquently: "And can we stop hanging out with these losers?"

"And I was just starting to think you might be a decent guy after all.." Kieran muttered with a loud sigh. 

"Sorry to disappoint you, love." Alex Crespo grinned and despite his earlier words, he didn't seem to be in a hurry to leave us.

°°°°

I've been so stressed out lately and it feels like I can't write down anything eligible.. So, it might take me a little longer to update, but I'll do my best. :)

Also, it's chapter 50 already!