perf*ct (boy × boy) ✔

thirty-six: in so much trouble

solar clarke's pov:

"I do mind." It came out like a mere whisper, so I tried again: "I do mind."

When I watched Nathan taking the final steps to me, looking up at me with defiant eyes, I held my breath. It felt like the Earth had stopped rotating on its axel and that in that black hole of time I didn't need to breathe. 

My heart started hammering when Nathan wrapped his arms around my neck and rose up onto his toes to reach my lips. Then his lips brushed against mine, only briefly before he let go and lowered his head. I still felt the touch of his lips, like it would be imprinted on my skin for the rest of my life.

"You call that a kiss? That was barely a peck." I told Nathan, my voice coming out hoarse and a little bit shaky. Then I cupped his cheeks, feeling the heat of the blushed skin, and pulled him back to me. I leaned down to capture his lips into a kiss. A real, proper kiss this time. 

When Nathan leaned on me, melting into the kiss, my heart felt like it was going to burst. I let my hands drop from his cheeks and wrapped my arms around his waist. I kept prolonging the kiss, slowing it down and paying attention to every tiny detail: his taste, the softness of his lips and how he hesitated at first and how that hesitation gradually turned into a mind melting unity of movements. 

I wanted to keep kissing him, to never let that connection fade away, but I was running out of air. Even as I parted from the kiss, to take in a gasp of air, I didn't let go of Nathan. He buried his face in the crook of my neck, his chest falling and rising fast, his body trembling. 

"I'm sorry I hurt you. I can be a numbnuts sometimes." I sighed. Then another thought occurred to me: "Do you have to go to class?"

"You're getting me in so much t-trouble." Nathan shook his head. He still avoided my gaze and his face was flustered, but I hoped it meant he was feeling shy and not that he was still angry.

We found a corner that was out of sight from the teachers and sat on the floor. Nathan was fidgeting with his hands that were on his lap, while I couldn't help but stare at his profile, probably making him feel even uneasier.

"You know, you could avoid so many stupid misunderstandings just by talking it out." He pointed out quietly. 

"I know, I should have asked you." I agreed, feeling like a moron for the way I had been acting. "I just find it hard to believe anyone would pick me over her."

Nathan turned to look at me, his eyes wide and thoughtful, like he couldn't believe his ears. "Wait, does that mean you, Solar Clarke, are insecure too?"

"Is it that hard to believe?"

"I mean.. why should you be?" Nathan shot back, taking a careful look at me.

"She's pretty much perf*ct isn't she?" I pointed out, realizing we were just answering questions with more questions.

"I don't know." Nathan pondered. "This one guy once told me that p-perf*ction doesn't exist and I think he might be onto something. When you look close enough, Audrey Grace isn't as flawless as everyone thinks she is."

"Oh, who is this wise guy?" I nudged Nathan's arm playfully, earning a chuckle from him. "I'd love to meet him."

"I bet you would."

"Does this mean you're not angry at me anymore?" I asked, searching for his eyes. Nathan tilted his head, answering the gaze. Then, slowly, a smile spread on his face and he nodded. He looked so freaking cute it made my heart flutter, like it wanted to leap out of my chest and reach for him. "Can I kiss you again?"

When I kissed him, it was even better than it was the first time. When I thought about the week we had had, I wanted to facepalm myself for being such a complete moron. Nathan was right: you could avoid so many stupid misunderstandings just by talking. If I had let him talk that day, I wouldn't have wasted a week moping over him.

I wouldn't have hurt him like I did.

I had a feeling I wouldn't make the same mistake twice. I wrapped my arm around Nathan's waist, pulling him closer and he rested his head against my shoulder. After so many days of thinking I could never have him, it felt almost too good to be true that I could hold him now. We had kissed twice, and we were skipping class together.. which got me thinking about something.

"Does your family know that you're bi?"

"I-I think I'm pan, actually." Nathan mumbled. Then he sighed and grew silent for a while. "But no, I haven't told them."

"Do you think they'd be fine with it?" I knew for a fact that at least one person in Nathan's life wouldn't be thrilled about him being pan. It troubled me, but I didn't want to bring it up just yet.

"I hope so." Nathan shrugged. He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again. "How about yours?"

"They don't know yet, but I doubt they'd have anything against it." I hadn't kept it from them on purpose. I was just more the type who would bring a boyfriend home and let them figure it out during the introducion. Nathan had already met my dad and grandma, but I couldn't wait for him to meet my mom. 

We weren't that close, thanks to mom's busy working schedule, but ever since I was a kid she's been sort of an idol to me. Unlike dad, she's from a poor family and she has worked her ass off to get to the point of being a thriving surgeon. She's passionate, truly passionate, about her work, and clever. I got my love for books from her. She's a great mom every time she's home, I just wished she would have been there more often.

The bell rang way too early, and the thought of getting up and letting go of Nathan made me frown. Still, as the hallway would soon be crowded with students, I embraced Nathan one more time and then helped us on our feet.

"Do I have to let you go to your next class?" I asked, tucking a lock of Nathan's hair behind his ear. He looked down and bit his lower lip. 

"So this is how it's going to be from now on?" Nathan muttered, a small smile on his lips. Then he sighed. "Making me skip all my classes won't give you extra credits in my p-parents' eyes."

"True. We can't have that." I agreed. Then, when we started walking towards his classroom, I added with a goofy grin: "Can we text at least?"

"Just go to your class already, Romeo." Nathan grinned and walked away from me to join Liam, who was waiting for him by the classroom.

***

Ah, the long-awaited kiss. I hope it was worth the wait. :)