perf*ct (boy × boy) ✔

thirty-nine: we need to talk about nicholas

nathan dawson's pov:

Despite the fact none of my three closest friends weren't talking to me, my life was running smoothly. Actually, I was happier than I had been since.. forever. 

Jonathan had his two friends and the dog over more often than not. They had taken him in their group and I could tell he was flourishing. Fortunately he still had time to bake chocolate chip cookies and watch Star Wars with me. Ever since I opened up about the dyslexia thing, both mom and Jeffrey had stopped comparing me to Nicholas. Better still, they had been nothing but supportive and understanding to me.

Now that I had an actual learning disability, and I wasn't just lazy and dumb, I was entertaining myself with a thought: does that mean I can start liking myself now? And if yes, how should I live with that big of a change in my life? I wasn't even sure if I knew what the word confidence meant.

Although Liam had been avoiding me, I didn't have to be alone at school. I spent time with Solar, Kieran, Johnny, Audrey Grace and Harper. I was considering forgiving Kieran for the almost-kiss incident, now that I knew he was the one telling Solar to come fix things with me. Johnny, on the other hand, reminded me about Liam, but he had one huge plus side compared to him: he couldn't give a rat's ass about my sexuality. He was just happy for Solar and I.

It probably goes without saying, but Solar was the ultimate biggest reason behind my new-found happiness. Kieran and Johnny wouldn't stop teasing us about acting like lovesick teenagers. With the continuous texting, staring, being all touchy and needing to be around each other, I think they did have a point there.

"What's up with Nicholas?" Solar asked after he had joined me by the lockers. His arm circled around my lower back and he pressed a quick kiss on my temple. That made my heart flutter and turned my brain into mush, making it almost impossible for me to process what he had just asked.

"What do you mean?" I frowned when I looked up at Solar.

"He's been late from practices two times this week." If it had been about anyone else, Solar's explanation wouldn't have worried me. Everyone was late sometimes.. except Nicholas. "And he hasn't been doing well there. Even the coach said so."

I thought about Nicholas sneaking out in the middle of the night and how he accused me of being nosy every time I asked him about it. I thought about the faint smell of weed on his clothes, which I was too nervous to ask about. I wanted to believe none of those things meant anything, but I think I might have been ignoring the elephant in the room for long enough. 

"I honestly have no idea what's going on with him anymore." I let out a heavy sigh.

Solar held me a little tighter, his face clouded with worry. He opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by the bell. "I need to go to class, but we should definitely talk about this after school."

"I have work." I pointed out while pulling a chemistry book from my locker.

"After it then? I can take you home." Solar offered, yet again filling my stomach with butterflies. I didn't even care about Liam, who had just walked past us, looking away like I didn't even exist anymore.

"Yeah, okay, see you then." I pecked his lips, this time ignoring the pointed looks we were getting from a group of guys walking past us.

°°°°

C&B's wasn't actually that far from school and I could easily have walked there, but Nicholas had offered to give me a ride. And it wasn't like I was going to waste an opportunity to talk to him.

When I walked across the parking lot, I spotted Nicholas leaning on the hood of his car. He was typing something on his phone and his eyebrows were snapped together. He didn't notice my arrival.

"Who are you texting with?" My question made Nicholas startle and he quickly locked the screen of his phone.

"A friend." He just shrugged, already fumbling for his car keys and standing up straight. I wanted to ask him "what friend?", but I held my tongue.

"Solar said you've been l-late from p-practice two times this week." Until, of course, I just couldn't remain silent anymore. Nicholas halted, looking at me in a somewhat exposed way. "Just tell me what's going on, please."

"Baseball isn't the center of the world." Nicholas shrugged.

"Not to me maybe, but to you it is." 

"Just leave it okay?" Frustration was starting to fill Nicholas' voice.

"No." I shook my head, determined to finally find out what was going on in my brother's life. Then I said something I probably shouldn't have said, but what I had thought more and more often during the past weeks: "You know what? You're acting just like dad did before he —"

"Don't you ever say that again." I wasn't expecting the flare of anger in Nicholas' eyes and I definitely wasn't expecting him to shove me with all his strength. My teeth snapped together painfully as I fell on the ground and the asphalt scraped my palm when I used my hand to soften the landing. 

I could see a flicker of remorse in Nicholas' eyes, before someone appeared from nowhere between us and grabbed Nicholas by his collar. It took me painfully long to realize that someone was Solar, and that he was so angry a vein was popping out from his forehead. Nicholas squinted his eyes and balled his fists, ready for a fight.

"Hey.." And then a fist was flying in the air, on its way to my brother's face.