perf*ct (boy × boy) ✔

twenty-five: losing track of time

nathan dawson's pov:

Imagine sitting in a fancy home of a guy who isn't just good-looking but also crazy smart, while you just stare at a page of a book you couldn't finish unless they gave you a million years to do it. I mean, can you really think of a situation where a guy like that would bring a guy like me to meet his doctor parents?

Yeah, me neither.

That was one of the thoughts my mind was buzzing with when I sat there, just staring at the lines on the pages. It didn't help that I was starting to panic, that any second from now Solar could turn his gaze to me and realize I still hadn't managed to read more than three pages in half an hour. I wasn't sure why that terrified me so much or why I was thinking about his parents disapproving me, but. It. Was. Not. Helping. 

"You don't like the story?" That was when I knew the moment of judgement had become. Before I could stop myself, I was stammering like never before and telling him a secret I had sworn myself to never spill out. 

And then Solar's arm was around my waist, pulling me closer until my face was pressed against his chest. His other hand found my hair and my heartbeat accelerated for completely non-anxiety related reasons.

"I think you might have dyslexia."

I pulled away from him. Not because I was done with the hug or because I'd be angry or offended, but because his words surprised me. Not that they should have. Solar wasn't the first one to wonder if that was the case.

"Have you been tested?" Solar asked, when all I did was stare at him.

"Not really." I admitted slowly.

Solar knitted his eyebrows, but didn't say anything. I was conflicted by the need to tell him everything and the fear of saying too much. He was probably the only one in this town who didn't know how imperf*ct our seemingly perf*ct family actually was, and a part of me wanted to keep it that way.

"T-there was so much going on in my family back then a-and.. I didn't want to add more problems to that fiasco. So, um, the verdict was that my speaking difficulties were psychological." I shrugged, trying to seem like it wasn't such a big deal. 

"You should get it tested again." Solar pointed out, his tone soft and the look in his eyes sorrowful like couldn't believe I had kept this to myself all these years. "There are ways to help you with school. And, Nathan, seriously, you're not dumb. I even read an article once that said that kids with dyslexia often have above average intelligence."

"Yeah, okay." I mumbled, lowering my gaze and biting my lip so hard I could almost taste blood. I was fighting back tears, and I didn't want Solar to see it. 

But of course he did, and he hugged me again. This time only briefly before pulling away and suggesting: "Let's take a break. I'll fix us something to drink."

"Wine?" I joked, willing the tears away when Solar nudged my shoulder playfully and got up to his feet.

"Not the wine." Solar chuckled.

A while later he showed up with two tall glasses of soda with ice. Our fingers brushed together when he handed the other glass to me and the contact made my skin tingle. I almost dropped the glass when Solar gave me one of his disarming smiles. Instead I took a gulp from the glass and turned away before my face could give away too much. 

There was something about Solar that made me feel like I could be myself, like I didn't have to keep up an act. Even better, I could see from his eyes that he wasn't comparing me to Nicholas, at least not in the way most people did.

He didn't look at me and think: what the hell went wrong with that one? He simply looked at me and made me feel like I didn't need to be like Nicholas, like I was good enough the way I was.