Fucked up| Dreamnapnotfound

Not nutting in other men

I cross my arms and watch my dad, who has now moved from the sofa to the armchair. George and I are in the same position as last time but his heart rate is all off.

I should call Clay, he gets along with my Dad so that'll bring some of the tension down.

"George I'm gonna go to the bathroom" I say and look up to meet his gaze. He lets go of me and I stand up, walking around him and ruffling his mop of hair before going into the hall.

I pull out my phone, heading to Clays number but I stop when I see my Dad get up, wandering over to the boy and bending down to whisper in his ear.

I put my phone away and walk over to them, George's face showing upset and his pale skin is even paler.

"Dad." He furrows his eyebrows and grits his teeth.

"He's a homo son. He isn't welcome here"

"I don't care if he's gay or if he wants to fuck me- just leave him alone."

"Don't use that language with me."

"Excuse you; I'll say whatever I want" I shoot back. George is still under us on the couch, unable to move.

"Being gay is a sin."

"Since when have you given a shit about Jesus? Just back off my friend and go complain to the neighbours or something"

The look on his face lingers until he steps back and walks to the door, opening it and leaving. I don't know where he's going but honestly I don't care.

"You're Dads hot" George breaks the silence and takes me by surprise,"he told me if I didn't leave the house there would be consequences, now I have a boner"

I do a small check and-"oh for fucks sake George- he's homophobic as shit and that turns you on?"

He bites his lip and shrugs,"kinky."

I shake my head.

"The bathroom under the stairs is free, don't be loud... my brothers home"

He sits up and smirks at me before pulling out his phone and going into the bathroom.

I'm definitely calling Clay.
———
/GEORGE/
I cry. I don't jack off. I cry. My boner goes away by itself.

I hate the thought of not being with him, he makes me so happy. But he's been very clear, he doesn't want me the way I want him.

I love everything about him, his smile, his laugh, the way his hair doesn't fit in a hat, his slight stubble that I just can't get enough of to the point where I can trace it over and over again in my mind.

I love the sound of his voice and his lips just look so soft.

I love the way his eyes droop when he's just woken up and I fucking love the way he listens and then doesn't sugarcoat anything I say, if I told him I killed someone he wouldn't snitch but he'd definitely scold me, he wouldn't be on my side.

I love the time we spend alone together, sharing a cigarette by his window and talking about stupid little things, I just can't get over him.

The way he can lead me on then push me away like it's nothing just makes me want him more. So much more.

I just can't get over him. I think I'm down right in love with this boy.

And Jesus the way he sends me random selfies- I always convinced myself I was straight but I guess it was all a lie.

I know I seem like a cocky,smart, chill guy but I'm honestly so mentally unstable suicide is the next step for me.

I don't know how long I've been in here for but I know if I leave now it'll seem weird.

There's a small knock on the door and I quickly wipe my eyes,"yeah?" I try my best to sound normal but I know I fail.

"George can I come in?" It's not Nick.

Clay?

"Please George, Nick is upstairs waiting for us and I can hear you crying. You can talk to me"

My heart races, no one was meant to know. Nick is one of the few people who have ever seen/heard me cry.

I might as well...

I unlock the door and Clay pushes it open and locks it behind him.

It's silent, awkward. It wouldn't be if Nick was here.

He sits down from his already ducking posture, the small bathroom barely fitting him.

"I don't know what to say. I'm sorry" he mutters, bringing his knees to his chest.

"I'm just so stressed and confused..." I answer.

"Why? What's wrong?"

I cant possibly tell him I'm in love with his boyfriend.

I might have to...

"It's nothing, just stupid things I can't forget, and I haven't been in a relationship in so long I just feel like I'm so... unloved all of a sudden. Like I'm just waiting for some hot person to come and pick me up and make it all okay but at the same time I don't want anyone except him..."

Clay stays silent for a second.

"Who's him?" He asks quietly even though we both know who 'him' is.

"Nick..."

"..."

"Maybe you don't need Nick. Maybe you need some hot person" he counteracts.

I shake my head,"I either need some really good sex to knock me back into reality or him to slap me across the face and throw me in a ditch"

"Maybe you should look for some really good sex then..."

It's silent again but this time it's not awkward. We stare at each other, our eyes unblinking as our minds fuse together the same idea.

———