Fucked up| Dreamnapnotfound

Virgin

/NICK/
I'm a virgin. I don't intend on keeping it that way, I want to though.

It's hard to explain. I just want to know what it's like even though the idea of it disgusts me. I'm 110% asexual. I do not want to have sex ever.

But I want to see what it's like. And I want George to show me what it's like.

I feel like it would be weird with Clay, I've known him so long and I've only seen his dick once.

And even then I threw up, it was years ago too.

And it was only for a second. I can barely look at mine honestly. I usually don't take baths and when I'm in the shower I look straight constantly.

I don't know how I would look at anyone else's without crying. Maybe we could do it in the dark.

Would that ruin it? Would George not like that? I'm stressing over something that probably wont happen.

Don't even get me started on girls- I've seen some of the pornos my brother hides in my room and I watched Shameless.

Tits are weird. They aren't hot at all, how do people look at them and think, 'yeah, I'm gonna jerk off to this'

Weirdos. It just seems horrible. I couldn't and I wouldn't.
———

George offered to give me a ride home because he has the car today, it'll just be us. His sister isn't leaving anytime soon so we can have all the fun we want for awhile.

We walk out of school together and he unlocks the car, I get in the passenger seat and he climbs in the drivers side.

"Have you spoken to Clay today?" He asks.

"No, I called him last night though"

"You know he asked me out"

"He was telling me, he seemed really excited"

"You're okay with that, right?" He turns and looks at me.

"I'm fine with it" I nod.

We start the slow drive back through town, we reach my neighbourhood but we slow down.

"I don't want to go home, I want to stay with you" I say. I didn't mean too.

He drives past my house and looks over at me.

"You want to skip tomorrow and come back on Saturday?" He grins and I can't help but smirk back at him.

"Yes, always"

He presses down on the accelerator and spins out of my neighbourhood and onto the main road again.

We drive for an hour or so in almost complete silence until we reach a gas station and he pulls in to fill up.

"Get some snacks" I call to him, turning on my phone.

"And a charger" I add.

He comes back with both, and we drive on again.

This time I connect my phone to the aux and we sing along to my playlist.

RECOMMEND SONG: Neon Guts- lil uzi vert

We sing along happily until I get that feeling in my stomach.

"George I think I want to be with you officially, like I want you to be my boyfriend if that's okay to say" I have to raise my voice to compete with the music but George hears fine and he gets a shit eating grin.

"Me too, and I think I also want to officially date Clay"

"Like- fucking polyamory?"

"Yeah, if that's the right term"

"Okay- let's do it, only if clay wants to though"

He laughs at me and nods, blush dusting his face and a glimmer in his eyes that gives me butterflies.

"I also think I want to fuck you" I add to the conversation and he stops smiling, pulls over to the side of the road and lowers the music volume.

"What?!" He says.

"I'm not sure right now, but I think that's what I want" I blush deeply, hiding my face.

"Oh"

"I don't really want to with anyone else. I guess like maybe just with you once so I know how it feels?"

He touches my wrist and pulls my hand away from my face. This is the most embarrassing thing ever.

"Ok"

"...What?"

"Ok. I can do that"

"You would?"

"Yeah. I want to"

"Really?"

"Yes."

"I don't think right now is a good time."

"I'm not talking about right now, just anytime you think you're up for it"

"Last time I saw someone else's penis I threw up"

"Do it at night then, or in the dark"

"Ok"

"Ok"

My heart is beating out of my chest as we join the motorway again.
———