Fucked up| Dreamnapnotfound

If i dont tell you, it doesnt count.

He slips me the tongue and I eagerly fight back, the sound of our dry lips mashing together is astonishing and even a teacher notices.

"What is going on in there?" A loud masculine voice booms in the door to the student bathrooms.

"Come out immediately. Both of you"

Clays grin spreads as he pushes me on top of the toilet, signalling for me to be silent.

"I said come out."

His grin drops and he whispers,"fuck! He's friends with my dad! He can't know I'm with someone, he'll definitely tell!"

I nod my head, "slide under into the next stall, I'll step out and say something, that's the out of order one next to us, right?"

Clay smiles, "thank you"

"Whoever is in there, come out right now!"

He goes under the stall and I stand out,"sorry sir."

The bald man strides over,"who else is in there"

"No one, just me sir, you can check"

He does.

"What was all that.... Noise?"

"I... I was watching..." I try to think of words,"porn."

The teacher stands in silence as we make burning eye contact.

He clears his throat,"well- uhm, see me after school..."

"William gold, sir"

"William."

He leaves the bathroom and clay emerges again.

He laughs at me and try's to catch his breath,"Porn?!"

I punch his shoulder,"atleast I won't get in trouble, Wilbur owes me one"

"Who the fuck is Wilbur?"

"He's a friend of mine, I met him online a few years ago and he moved here last term, he's the kid that punched a teacher"

"Oh shit- him?"

"Yeah, I took the blame for that and got suspended for a week, his parents really care about grades and that and my dad doesn't"

"Wont his parents get pissed off with this then?"

"No, at worst he gets detention. I'll text him and tell him that"

Clay holds out a hand, I take it and he pulls me back into the out of order stall, locking it and kissing me.
———
/SAPNAP/
I hate the way my body looks, it's all out of proportion.

You'd think I'd have fun on a day off, do some gaming or bake a cake or even just sleep, but no.

I'm standing in my boxers staring at myself in the mirror.

Scars litter my arms and legs, hundreds; maybe thousands.

My stomach flops over the elastic band on my waist and my thighs touch, stinging with fresh cuts pressing against each other and blood running out of some of the particularly deep ones.

I guess I like my face, it's my body that's the problem. I used to be slimmer, skinner. Until I started eating again.

My jawline is defined, I like my nose. It's straight, no bumps or curves.

My eyes flicker down to my stomach again, why can't I just cut it off? With scissors, or a knife.

Nothings stopping me except the huge blood loss and pain.

What if I just cut a bit off?

No point.

I need to shave too, I can see the stubble now. Clay says it's hot, he says it looks cool.

It's rough, I don't know if I like it or not.

My phone lights up beside me and I look down to see a message from Clay, it's a voice message.

"Nick! I'm coming over after school and you don't have a say in this, I really want to see you. If you don't let me in again I'll throw a brick through your window, lots of... like? Sorry if that's weird I don't think I love you is right at the moment- anyway, see you in an hour!"

I sigh, I don't want to see Clay right now. I don't want to see him for a while. I want to see George. George just makes my heart drop every time I see him, it's not that I don't like Clay, it's just George is so perfect. He is so stupidly perfect.

I don't know if I'm getting completely played and George does this all the time but I still want to be with Clay. I just want George more.

I want to be with Clay and kiss him and I want to tell him stories and I want to wake up beside him but I want to run away with George and do a shit ton of drugs.

There's just something about him that draws me in, he's so unpredictable but he knows exactly what he's doing. He has a body I'd die for, he's dainty with long, slender fingers and he has just enough abs showing, his stomach is flat and his skin is pale.

I fell for Clay because of his personality, but George is just my type.

Alex is like a mix between us, I don't think George knows him. Alex moved away recently and it sucks, he was always the life of the trio.

He would make the most random shit up and we would all go with it.

I miss him so much but I know he's not coming back, we only really text like once a week.

Shit. He doesn't know I'm dating Clay.

I pick up my phone again and listen to the voice message once more.

I open a new message to Alex and type quickly, his status changing from offline to online in a couple of seconds.

"Bro I totally forgot to tell you, it's really important actually and you would've been the first to know if it hadn't slipped my mind so I'm sorry abt that.

I've been dating Clay for abt two months now, it's been fucking crazy too. You should come visit soon bc we miss you so much. So, so much.

Anyway, love you and hope you aren't mad I didn't say this before"

He types for a while then stops and leaves me on read. My heart stops for a moment and all the colour leaves my face.

I send one more frantic message, "Alex??"

He comes online again and reads the message, finally responding after a minute or two.

"Is this fr?"

The second I read it I regret it, my whole body kinda stops and the room goes quiet, he was fine with Clay when he came out? Why not me?

Why not me?
———