Fucked up| Dreamnapnotfound

It was a mistake

George sits on my bed, legs crossed and writing in his copy book while I'm on call with Heather sorting out what we will do.

George is ignoring me since I shut him down.

I feel bad. I don't know why I did that. I fucking love him, he makes my heart beat faster then anyone could imagine and I just want to wrap my arms around him and kiss him.

"Nick, are you listening?"

"Sorry" Heather snaps me back into reality and I turn to catch George looking up at me.

I give him a weak smile and he doesn't reciprocate it.

"So I was thinking that if we did a physical model to demonstrate, it would seem a lot more put together so our notes could be a little less organised. What does George think of that?"

George looks up and nods.

"He's fine with it, I think it's a good idea. That way we can get away with more. Who's gonna make it? We would need a lot of scrap tin or metal"

"I'd say it's a two person job. Maybe one person works on the notes and the others make it?"

I nod,"show me your handwriting"

She sends me a picture over text and it's better then mine but George has the best out of all of us.

"I'll make the model with you and George can do the notes. He has the neatest handwriting so it'll once again give us more leeway"

The call goes dead for a second while I write this down.

"What's your address?" Heather asks.

"I'll send it to you"

She nods and waits for me.

"That's all for today I guess, see you two tomorrow"

George says goodbye at the same time I do, then I pocket my phone.

I turn to face him, the neighbours cat on the bed next to him while he tries his hardest not to look at me.

"George don't be stupid, I'm sorry"

He stays quiet.

"At least look at me, please?"

He doesn't.

"I think I should go now" he stands up and throws his books in his bag, but I'm faster and run over to block the door, locking it behind me.

He stays looking at the ground.

"Please listen, George" I beg and he drops his bag.

He sits down on the floor with his back against the door and he brings his knees up to his face.

He hugs them and sighs.

"Have you ever done something so fucking stupid? Just something that could easily ruin your life but you still did it?"

I don't answer, I just sit next to him.

"Nick, I think Clay has plans to kill himself"

My heart drops and a pang of guilt blooms from my chest outwards.

"I don't know yet but I think he really, really likes you. But you just don't feel the same"

"I do feel the same"

"But not like he does. I'm just so- so scared about what he's going to do. He just craves your constant attention but you don't want that"

"I do want that. Just not now"

"What do you mean?" He asks, turning his head to the side to look at me.

"I don't think now if a good time for us to be dating. It feels wrong. It felt right at first and I was sure of my feelings but then... then I met you"

"What do you mean?" He asks again.

"I feel like every time I look at you I'm missing out. I cant stand you but you mean the absolute world to me at the same time"

He just looks at me silently.

"I think I have that same feeling when I see you"

"I feel sick to my stomach when you make moves on me but I never want you to stop" I continue.

He just laughs a little and watches the cat jump from my bed and come over to us sitting on the floor.

"I love the way you do things, just so careful but also like you have nothing to lose"

"I think what your describing goes both ways, Nick"

"I think I'm describing unconditional love"

"I think so" he responds, his hand gliding gracefully down to pet the furry animal.

We stare at each other with blank faces and I know he's watching my lips more then anything else.

"And to go back to that stupid thing I did, yes. I keep getting chances like this and then pussying out"

"Then don't pussy out" he leans in a little and so do I. Then I fuck it up.

I stand up and walk over to the desk.

My hands are outstretched and my fists are clenched.

"It feels wrong. It feels like I'm cheating"

He stands up and walks over behind me,"it's not cheating if I'm already fucking him"

"I think we should leave again. Hop in your sisters car over the weekend and drive off, I think it'll help"

He smiles,"I'd like that"
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