Fucked up| Dreamnapnotfound

Yolo

The music is loud in my ears, I can only hear Nick screaming along beside me and my heart is warm.

Or that could be the air.

Arizona.

I like that word. It reminds me of sunsets and a cold water.

I'm glad Nick is here with me.

We pull off the road and climb into the back seats, our lips connecting with Artic Monkeys being our guide.

The way his T-shirt creases into his curves as I grip his waist makes me sweat,"you are so beautiful"

"George, you know how I told you I think I want to try out sex? Just to know if it's not actually for me?"

I nod and he kisses me again.

"I think I want you to do it"

I smile.

"Right here?" I ask and he exhales.

"Yes. I want to you to fuck me right here, George Davidson"

"I will then" I say, starting to take off my shirt and watching him do the same.

But before he even reveals anything, another car makes everything go black.
———

I wake up and check out my surroundings, I'm with Clay but it's late at night and I need a Tylenol. My head is aching.

Maybe the re occurring dream is telling me never to have sex in Arizona?

It's been two weeks of the same constant dream. I'm still waiting to cash that rain check.

I hate how something always happens just before we kiss. I just want to do it already but we take too long, trying to make it perfect.

I'm blindly walking around in the dark of Clays house now, trying not to wake anyone.

It's a maze in here. Three story's of fuck all.

I stumble down the stairs to the bottom floor and turn on a light, going quietly through the cupboards before I finally find what I'm looking for.

I take it dry and pull my phone out of my pocket to check the time. It's still dark outside.

3:19.

I have a text from my Dad, telling me to get the fuck home. I delete it and walk back up to Clays room.

He's sitting on his bed, staring at the floor.

"Hey" I say and sit next to him.

"Why are you up?" He asks, looking over at me.

"Sorry, I had a weird dream and had to get a Tylenol. I didn't mean to wake you"

"You didn't, I woke up myself. Wanna have a smoke with me?"

"Sure" I smile at him and kiss his cheek.
———

It's cold outside, Clay wraps a blanket around both of us as we sit on the roof in silence, sharing a cigarette.

"I don't know how much longer I can go without him" Clay speaks up, taking a drag and handing it to me.

"What?"

"Nick. I feel like he doesn't like me. He seemed really into me when I kissed him but now he just won't text me or talk to me. He just wants to be around you"

"I'm sorry. He doesn't realise I don't think. He gets excited when I mention you, like he starts smiling uncontrollably and blushing. I think he really likes you but just doesn't know how to show it"

A gust of wind blows between us.

"Has anything happened between you?"

I think about this, should I tell him?
White lies.

"There's been a few times when I feel like something might happen but it doesn't"

White lies.

"Oh"

I put my head on his shoulder and close my eyes.

"Do you want something to happen?" He asks me.

"I'm not sure"

"Oh"

"I think I'm still coming to terms with my sexuality. I don't like being called a certain thing so it's hard to experiment"

"You might be unlabelled then. It just means you're you, not gay or straight or bisexual"

The tobacco stings my throat and I can't help but cough it out.

"I guess that's right, it's the closest thing to describing what I feel"

"What do you feel?" His voice is low and he starts playing with my hair.

"I like you. And I like Nick. But only you guys as men, and then I like girls. You and Nick are the only men I think I could ever love"

He hums and takes out his phone, dropping the cigarette onto the roof and putting it out.

"I think I want to just sit here for a while"

"Me too"

"I love you, George"

"I love you too, Clay"

With that we don't say another thing, just fall asleep on the roof hugging each other.

And for the first time in a while, I'm sure of my feelings for both of these guys.
———