Doomed

Grievances

It had been a week since Namjoon had last seen Y/N. He had decided to give her space for he didn't want his confused feelings to bother her. He had to sort lot of things out. He did love her but had he forgiven her?

One night he was sitting on his bed reading a book when his phone buzzed. He ignored it at first. But when it kept on buzzing he picked it up. It was Y/N.

His heart sank and fluttered at the same time. He answered the call immediately.

"Hello," he said without even trying to hide the concern in his voice.

But when Y/N didn't reply he started getting more anxious.

"Y/N, you ok?" He was again met with silence.

"Y/N, baby you are scaring me. Should I come over?" He removed his covers and got out of bed- ready to leave.

"Joon," she said faintly from the other side, "I don't think I can do this much longer."

"Do what baby?" he said sitting down on the bed.

"I don't want to be an idol anymore. I can't take this anymore."

"What happened baby? Why are you saying this?"

" I am weak and hideous. There are people out there who are much more talented than me, much more beautiful than me. They deserve to be here. I don't."

"That's not true baby. You are so talented and beautiful. You think your fans don't see that?"

She was breathy, her voice cracked. He thought she was at a verge of tears.

"Baby," he said soothingly, " You remember the song you wrote for me? I have never read anything more poetic in my entire life. If I can see the beauty you have inside of you, your fans do too."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I have tried to ignore that beauty for 6 years now and my life has turned gray. Everything you touch becomes phenomenal. You should know that."

"It's just you who thinks like that."

"Others will see it too. And if they don't, I will make them..."

Y/N chuckled. Namjoon imagined she was blushing. Her cheeks turning the colour of cherry blossoms.

"Joon," she said suddenly, "I miss you."

Namjoon felt like his heart had stopped. He felt like someone had dug inside his chest and ran away with his lungs.

"Y/N" His breathless utterance almost inaudible.

"Joon I am sorry for what I did."
He felt blood was rushing to his brain. Too many thoughts were invading his mind.

"I miss you so much Joon." She breathed out the words as if whispering it to him.

"Y/N..." he wanted to say so many things.

"You don't have to say anything. I understand if you haven't forgiven me. I kept so much from you it's only fair. But you should know that there was a reason I couldn't tell you everything back then. And before you ask again. I can't tell you now either," she said -a weight lifting off her chest.

It was now Namjoon's turn to be silent. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know why she was telling him this.

"Joon, I have been missing you since the day I left you. Everyday I have thought of getting back to you. But I couldn't tell you the truth and you won't let me back until I do. We were doomed because of me."

"No," Namjoon finally spoke up. His chest heavy with emotions. "I was an idiot to let you go. I shouldn't have given you a choice, I should have just believed you. I shouldn't have pressed you to tell me why you did it."

Y/N was quiet.

He spoke again. "I was foolish to think you were doing it for money and fame. I was selfish. I put you in an inescapable position and I let us get destroyed. I was adamant and I didn't believe in you. But Y/N, now I do. I don't want to know why you did what you did. I don't care anymore. All I want is to be with you." He said the last few words sitting up straight up. But they seemed to leave his tongue with great difficulty.

"Y/N I...I..." The leader of the biggest boy band of the world. The man who always knew what to say was out of words.
How could he define what he felt for Y/N in a one syllable word. How was love the right word to tell her what she was to him. Wasn't there something beyond love- something that could contain them; something that could survive the volcanic impact of their feelings?

"Y/N I...I..." He tried again only to fail. She was listening intently.

"I don't know why I can't say it. I don't know what's happening to me. I might be losing my mind. Y/N I..." This time his voice had a plea to it as if he was expecting her to decipher his unsaid words. As if he wanted her to interpret what lied in his stutters and pauses.

"Joon," Y/N's voice was soft, " Come over, I am waiting."

(A/N Note: This chapter is a bit short. Please vote if you like it. Love you guys)