Doomed

I am Sorry

It had been 3 hours since Namjoon had brought Y/N to the hospital. He had informed Sejin. Hobi and Yoongi had come down to support him. The doctors still hadn't given any report on Y/N's condition and it was making Namjoon anxious. He was pacing around, recklessly pulling at his hair.

"Namjoon-ah." He stopped when Yoongi put a hand on his shoulder. "This is not going to solve anything," Yoongi said.

"What have I done hyung? How could I leave her when she needed me the most?" Namjoon spoke for the first time in hours - his voice filled with cooped up emotions.

Hobi was about to console him but was interrupted by Sejin.

"Namjoon-ah, Y/N's doctors wants to talk to you." Namjoon stood up at once.

Sejin led him to a conference room where a team of three doctors sat at the table.

"Please have a seat Mr. Kim," one of them said.

Namjoon took a seat and so did Sejin.

"Mr. Kim at present Miss. Y/l/N is in a very critical condition. The sleeping pills she consumed has affected her heart very badly and we had to put her in the ICU."

"There were several signs of blunt trauma on her body. What we can conclude is that she had a physical struggle with someone. She had been kicked and punched in her belly multiple times and the bruises around her neck are indicators of choking."

As soon as the two doctors stopped talking, Namjoon took a deep breath. Whatever they said was way too much information for him. Several thoughts passed his mind and all he wanted to do at that moment was to see Y/N. When the third doctor started speaking Namjoon was brought back to reality.

"Mr. Kim, I am Dr. Yang, the head of the gynecology at this hospital. The blunt trauma to Miss Y/l/N's pelvic region has resulted in her miscarriage."

The doctor's statement jerked Namjoon up. He thought he had misheard her. 

"Sorry?" he said

"Were you not aware of the pregnancy Mr. Kim?"

"What pregnancy?"

"Miss Y/l/N was pregnant. It was very early and the hits she took terminated it."

Namjoon was spellbound. Did Y/N know about it and if she did how long had she known. 

" We have found this note on her and I think this might clear up your confusion." One of the doctors passed a folded up paper towards Sejin. He took it and placed it infront Namjoon.

"We will give you some privacy," Dr. Yang said and left the room along with the other doctors.

Namjoon couldn't move. He kept staring at the paper and whatever the doctors had told him kept replaying in his mind.

"Namjoon-ah I will be outside," Sejin said and left.

Namjoon slowly picked up the paper. The corners were torn, Y/N's handwriting hurried as if she poured all her emotions out in borrowed time.

~

Joon,

I am sorry I didn't tell you everything. I should have. I am sorry I didn't trust you. I gave control of my own life to somebody else and today he has taken away the only hope I had. I got to know I was pregnant, two days after you left me. I wanted to tell you. I wanted to hug you and tell you that you are finally going to be father. This industry is not for me. I am so broken inside that I couldn't even save our love. I have loved you with all my breath and I have hurt you the most. I am sorry for that. When I got to know I was pregnant I thought I could preserve my love for you now. But I have lost it. I am too weak to be here. This life is not for me. So I must go. please don't remember me as someone who couldn't save your child. Keep us safe in your memory. I didn't know anything 6 years ago. I don't know anything now either. I just know I love you. To live without your love is to not live at all. So I must go. Till the day you live and your art lives with you, our baby and I will live through you. Trust no one Joon. The people we keep close are often the ones that hurt us the most. I have learnt it the wrong way. I wish I put my faith in you. We would have been in a different place then. I should have tried harder but I am too weak to continue. I know you will never forgive me. I don't expect you to. I am the reason our baby died. I am incapable of being worthy. I wish I was different- a little less broken. I am sorry.

Yours Y/N.

Namjoon folded the paper back and put it safely inside his pocket. He realized he had been crying. His heart was hurting, his head throbbing. He wanted to see Y/N, wake her up from her sleep and tell her that he loved her. He would apologize to her till his last breath. He was supposed to keep her safe and he didn't. He was a fault. He wanted to wake up and tell her that he didn't care about their baby, he was just glad she was alive for he wouldn't if she was gone.

The words in her note kept coming back to him. He had to know who had beaten her up. He suspected it was same person who was blackmailing her. Namjoon wass adamant to find this person and punish him. He would kill him with his bare hands if needed.

(A/N: Hope you like this chapter. Sorry for the errors. I will proof read it later. Please Vote. Love you loads. )