Love Her

Page 2

It didn't matter that I'd tried to make my position clear. This had worked out brilliantly, I thought with grim sarcasm.

He looked up to me finally, blinked, and then stared. I watched his expression as the atmosphere finally touched him.

"Hey," He began cautiously, "Want to go out for ice cream?"

My pulse was thudding in my ears. I put one hand over my heart. It drummed hyperactively under my palm.

"Like a date?" I asked. I realized that I sounded surprised. Honesty was probably the best policy at this point. Get it over with.

He processed the tone of my voice before speaking a bit slower. "If you want. But it doesn't have to be like that."

"I don't want to date you," I said slowly, realizing how true that was. This whole world seemed impossibly distant.

He seemed taken aback by my blunt statement. "Sorry?"

I closed my eyes and whispered, my throat dry. "You heard me."

"Are you sure?"

I nodded.

He seemed to be concentrating on breathing evenly. "Why not? I thought we were doing alright."

I couldn't do anything but stare. There was no feeling yet. Everything seemed unreal, like I was dreaming. Having a nightmare. I exhaled. "I just don't think things are going to work out."

"Just friends?" He suggested. His expression was stiff - to anyone else it probably looked angry or arrogant, but I could see the shape of pain in the hard planes of his face. His clear blue eyes were not as eager now. Perhaps he meant that we can stay friends. Despair momentarily vanished; wonder took its place. Even after half a year with him, I couldn't believe that I deserved that degree of good fortune.

I felt my face working, trying to find the expression that went with the grief inside. My eyes felt strange and dry; they blinked against the uncomfortable feeling. I bit my lip. When I took my next breath, the air hitched in my throat, like I was choking on it.

He, for some unfathomable reason, still wanted to be with me. My distraughtness turned to horror. I took his face between my hands and held it tightly. "Look, I'll be blunt. I don't want to go out with you anymore." The severity of my thoughts was obvious in my voice.

"I see. If that's the way you feel."

I tried to breathe normally. I needed to concentrate, to find a way out of this nightmare.

"I'll still care about you."

I nodded again.