Love Her

Part 25

I froze, my muscles locking down as if for impact. The fault line in my chest rippled; the pain of it took my breath away.

I knew what was coming. It had been coming for a while, and the accident had only made it worse. None of these very real, very deserving of thought, very pressing concerns could take my mind off the pain in my chest for long.

She shook her head without looking at me. I saw something glisten, like a crystal, on her cheek.

Her eyes were beginning to water slightly in anger. She gritted her teeth before staring at me in absolute and utter belligerence. The color in her cheeks only turned a darker shade of red as water spilled over her eyelashes and down her cheeks. She quickly wiped under her eyes and looked at her tear-stained hand. We glared at each other for several long minutes. My angry expression cleared at her beauty. It was hard to stay upset with such a glorious creature. The thundering of her heart jumped up into a faster face. Looking into her deep eyes I read the irrational fear. Pursing my lips, I stared down at her.

I kept my face absent of emotion. I knew if I were to open my mouth words not appropriate to say in front of a lady would spill out.

"Come for a walk with me," she suggested in an unemotional voice, taking my hand and leading me away from everyone else. I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach. I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself.

I didn't answer. I couldn't think of a way to protest, but I instantly knew that I wanted to. I didn't like this. This is bad, this is very bad, the voice in my head repeated again and again. What are you thinking? I was dying to whisper the words to her, but the space was too quiet to get away with even a whispered conversation. The worry was eating a hole in my stomach. Soon I would have matching punctures. I ground my teeth in mute frustration.

She scrubbed the tears away with the back of her hand. I could feel the horrified expression on my face, and the tears beginning to pool in my eyes.

My heart inflated like it was going to crack right through my ribs. It filled my chest and blocked my throat so that I could not speak.

It was only then that I realize I was shaking, shaking hard, my entire frame vibrating until my teeth chattered. The stupid tears had escaped the corners of my eyes. I wiped them away with the back of my hand and folded my arms across my chest. I clutched my head in my hands, trying to keep it from exploding. I heard a sound that didn't make sense, a strange, ripping counterpart to the otherwise utter silence. Then I understood. Oh. The noise was me. The ripping sound was the sobs coming from my chest. That's what was shaking me.

My throat suddenly felt swollen; I had to clear it twice before I answered. There was something stuck in my throat, choking me. I tried to swallow it down, but it was lodged there, un-moving. I tried to spit it out.

"I. Don't. Understand." My mouth framed each word in silence. I couldn't push the air out to actually say the words that would make her explain what that meant. I shook my head, tears spattering from my eyes with the sharp motion. I pulled my arm free, and he didn't fight me.

She turned around slowly, anxiety obvious in her deep depths. My heart ached to watch her panic. She must have been very nervous. Her horror was spreading to me. I had chills running on the back of my neck.

She was biting her lower lip and clenching her hands. She looked like she was about to cry.