Love Her

Part 20

As I lay there in my bed, I had a feeling that more time was passing than I realized. I couldn't remember how long it had been since nightfall. Sometime later, the rain outside woke me up. I don't think I'd really fallen asleep; I was just lost in an unthinking trance, holding with all my heart to the blindness that kept me from realizing what I didn't want to know.

I remembered the first time I had kissed her over at my house alone.

I had been staring at her lips. Full, pink, wet.

"What? " she suddenly asked, feeling self-conscious I'm sure.

"Nothing. I just hadn't realized before. Did you know, you're sort of beautiful?"

"I'm serious."

"Well, then, thanks. Sort of."

I grinned. "You're sort of welcome."

I brought myself ever closer to her, taking her into my embrace. Gentle, I had reminded myself. I slowly stroked my fingertips down her spine. She trembled and her pulse sped up. My wanting; longing was taking a grasp on my senses. I felt the new creature, desire, rejoice as I brought my lips closer to hers. I could feel her cheeks warming from the rise of emotions. Passion flowed freely in my veins. I was taking in the air around us. Every particle of air in the room was saturated with her fragrance.

I brought my face closer to hers, bringing our lips inches apart. I took in another generous gulp of her fragrance and brought my lips to hers. I parted her slips slightly as euphoria fell over me and my body was screaming in exultation.

The memory snapped me out of my near hysteria and put everything in perspective.

Something I'd been waiting for anyway. Something I knew would happen again, as much as I might wish it never would. It was never going to end, was it? I heard the quick gasp, gasp, gasp, gasp of the air dragging through my lips, but I couldn't stop it. It looked like the room was shaking like there was an earthquake, but I knew it was my own trembling that caused the illusion.

The disappointment was nearly as instantaneous as the recognition.

"She loves me," I said chokingly. Right?

Something was wrong.

I sat up.

I knew that essentially nothing had changed. Her meaning to my life had only confirmed what I'd already known. No reason for fresh panic.

In theory. Not panicking was easier said than done.

I loved her, that much was true, but did she love me? Yes. Was it the same kind of love? I didn't know. I couldn't know. Not for sure. Most people fall in and out of love many times in their lives.