Til Death Do Us Part

32

"It's this way." Jyeon leads me along the corridor of the house's second floor, and I pretend I have no clue as to where I am going. It's not high on my priority list of things to do ever again in my life, but it was the perfect escape route. So glad to have this excuse of seeing our old room while mother and Yoonha sit downstairs and let this past hour sink in. I thought mother would never let go of my hand and stop hugging me. It was weirding me out how emotionally overwrought she was, how affectionate.

I'm tense all over and emotionally drained as though they both sucked all my energy out. Yoonha was oddly pensive and quiet and sat by my side, holding my hand without saying a whole lot. Like he couldn't formulate words other than I'm sorry, which I didn't understand at all. Maybe guilt that he believed I was dead and stopped looking. I don't know.

"There's no point touring most of the house as mother went through a remodeling obsession about a year ago and changed everything. It would seem different to you and probably not spark anything. This one, however, is always out of bounds...." He stops in front of our old bedroom door, and I quietly inhale to fill my lungs and not react. Steadying myself to face what I know will hurt to see. He pulls a key from his pocket and unlocks the door before pushing it open and stepping back so I can walk in first.

It's dull, and I hesitate before walking in with faux confidence, as though curious to see a possible memory, and my heart instantly shatters at the sight of this room.

Not a single thing has changed in all these years. It's practically a museum to my past and insanely neat and organized with not a speck of dust to be seen. Everything is clean, fresh-smelling, and the mess I made two years ago has been rectified to the point that the smashed picture frames have been replaced with replicas and rehung on the walls. The bookcases are back to order, and even the bed is made up with my old duvet choice. It's like I left it only this morning. My breath catches in my throat as I gaze around the semi-lit space because the blinds are drawn, and it's surreal. I'm standing, needing a second to take this in.

"She has this place cleaned weekly. Aired out.... She sometimes sits in here and looks at your pictures to grieve. This was our room, but I slept over there." He nods and gestures to the far door of the study, and all I can do is swallow hard. Caught in a time warp of this crazily familiar place and all the emotions it brings trawling back to me, in denial about what I'm seeing and trying to connect this to the woman downstairs who never seemed to love me truly.

"She kept everything. Your clothes and shoes. Your jewelry, your perfumes... it's all over there in the walk-in. She has everything dry cleaned or sanitized once a month. She's been pretty obsessive about keeping your memory intact and clinging to these things. They're all yours. You can take what you want." He motions to the closed doors of our once shared wardrobe, and I don't venture towards it. Watching him walk over to the windows of our balcony doors we never used to open, and he opens the blinds and drapes to let the sun in.

It's weird to see Jyeon in this room, looking relaxed and still. It's like he's spent time here more recently than two years ago. In the past, he rarely came in here while I was and spent minimal time herein. He would head straight for the shower, or the study, and he was always so uptight and stiff that we would bypass one another with little interaction. Now here he is, casually looking around as if it's the most natural thing in the world. Seemingly at home in these surroundings that wreak of the past me and her choices in décor.

"It seems vaguely familiar. A feeling." I lie. Knowing that I should be dropping tiny hints frequently of the possibility of returned memories so I can fast track my way out of this act.

"You can look around, open doors... maybe look through the things you left here. It might help jog things. The doctor said small everyday things can unlock parts of your mind." Jyeon slides his hands into his pockets and casually lounges where he stands.