How Could She? (Book 2.0) - INTERSEX

Chapter Seventeen

Rayden

The technician's probe glides across the surface of her stomach searching for our daughter. I hold Olivia's hand as her attention stays fixed on the screen. We both have hope but that soon dissipates as we watch the expression on the woman's face.

"What's wrong? Is our daughter okay?" I say breaking the silence. "It was just a little smoke inhale, right? She should be fine?" I look down at Liv and her gaze averts mine.

The technician presses a few buttons on the screen before sighing and putting the prob down. "We should wait for the doctor to come in." Olivia's eyes dart to mine and I can see all the worry across her face. I rub her cheek trying to calm her.

"Are you not able to give us any information?" I plead.

"I'm sorry I..."

"Just tell me she's okay!" My voice is louder than I intended but it doesn't seem to faze her, almost as if she is used to parents yelling and screaming for answers. Tears slowly roll down my girlfriend's cheek as she lowers her shirt over her swollen belly.

"Your doctor will be here any mom..." and before she can finish her sentence the door opens.

"Good evening. How are you doing Olivia?"

"Okay..." she answers in a whisper. "Just my leg hurts."

"I see. I heard you had quite the day."

"No disrespect doctor but can we skip the chit chat and cut to the chase where you tell us our daughter is okay."

Our doctor nods and stands over the technician as she clicks through the screen. Liv and I watch attentively as if we know what's there but have no clue. Our doctor sighs, "I'm sorry to have to tell you this... but there is no heartbeat. It..."

"Wait, what...How!"

"Ray..." Olivia whispers with tears in her eyes. "I... I fell."

"Yeah, I know... that's how you broke your leg."

"No... Ray. I fell on my stomach." I look from her to the doctor.

"It seems the impact on your stomach was enough to cause the placental abruption. When something like this happens, it can cause the baby to stop receiving adequate oxygen."

Olivia breaks down crying and I quickly grab her. "It's okay, it's okay." I kiss her forehead while smoothing her hair down. I tried to control my own sorrow but failed miserably as Olivia's cries grew louder.

***

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Sweat drips down my body as I roll over to shut the alarm off. Ever since Roger and Dad told me the actual reason Olivia was taken, I keep having these damn dreams again. Losing Junie in that fire broke Olivia and I. I was only 18 at the time and she was 19, and we had to deal with what felt like an overwhelming amount of grief for our baby girl on our own.

Mom and Dad allowed me to stay with her at her new apartment for an entire month after that because she was so scared. We both continued to have bad dreams like the one I just had for weeks. The nights we were woken up by the dream of the doctor telling us she was gone for good; we'd have midnight cereal parties to calm our nerves. We'd test different combos and choose which tasted the best.

Then we'd take bubble baths infused with lavender and melatonin to help us go back to sleep. Thinking about this now makes me miss her so much more. It's been three weeks since she left me. I'm surviving so far, but it's hard. I haven't heard from her in a week and a half. I get that she's on a mission, but I'm worried because I know it's not safe.