ON PAUSE -- Going to Edit
"Are you sure you don't have feelings for him? I think it's obvious he feels something for you."
"I'm sure of it," I muttered. Something deep inside of me knew I was lying to myself.
**
Mariposa Romero is in her final year...
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Monday morning, I woke to thunder and heavy rain. I sighed and pushed away the thoughts from the accident. Axel would be driving and he's a cautious driver, so I knew I'd be in good hands.
I got myself ready and ate a granola bar. I was trudging through my room getting everything in my bag. Occasionally the lightning would illuminate the room, in some sense, it was very calming.
I looked at the time and put on the infamous hoodie I stole from Axel. I exited the house and went over to Axel's. He was hurriedly getting out of the garage. I wait for him to open the door for me. I hopped in and threw my bags in the back.
"What's up?" I yawned.
"My sister told my mom she won't be coming down for break and well you might have an idea on how that turned out."
"Ahh, I see, why isn't she coming down?"
"She probably has to work but who knows."
It was a silent car drive as the water droplets hit the roof of his car, it was soothing but not soothing enough for me to sleep.
It unsettled me that the chance that I could get in another accident never left the back of my brain. The haunting thought was always there but I pushed it away so I didn't panic.
I wasn't always scared of driving. The fear started when I was younger. My grandparents were visiting my family for the summer. That day was full of thunder and hard rain. I was a stubborn little girl who wanted to go into the main town and watch a movie. My grandparents told me that it wasn't safe since we lived in an area surrounded by mountains, where landslides could occur. I didn't care and threw a tantrum so eventually they caved in and we left for town. I was so self-centered all because of a dumb movie. On one of the turns my grandpa lost control and our car flipped. Since that day I have felt guilty. I made it out with a few scratches and bruises, but my grandparents suffered from concussion and it messed up with my grandmother's back. Since then she decided to use a wheelchair whenever her back pain is killing her.
I only drove when I absolutely needed to and I almost never drove in horrible weather. Since recent events I think my fear has grown..
At some point this year I knew I had to get over my fear if I wanted to go to college. I wanted to be able to go wherever I'd like. I had a feeling my friends and I would go our separate ways. We kind of had this silent agreement that we wouldn't bring up college or our future. I think we were dreading the moment we all would decide on leaving and the fear of not staying together after many years of friendship. Would we all still stay friends after ten or twenty years?
I always wondered what my friends wanted to do, Vince had brought up the pre-med track so I knew he'd probably pursue that. Bella mentioned a couple things over the years but she seemed unsure and would change it. Axel on the other hand never really talked about it. He would dismiss it and only talk about the present. Once college applications opened we'd have to talk about it. I was clueless on what I wanted to do.
