Adriana's Corner

Chapter 29

I've been crouched on the floor for a few minutes, eyes closed, thinking about what I could possibly do to fix this. . .wondering if this could even be fixed.

Amongst the screaming thoughts and guilt about what I've unknowingly just put Miles through, I hear the door creak open. I keep my eyes closed knowing all too well that when I open them, I'll see the man I'm supposed to be going on a pre-date with. The man who sure as hell isn't Miles.

Why does the idea of going to dinner with Joe seem so terribly wrong now? Where were these reservations yesterday when he asked me?

A hand rests on my arm so I reluctantly open my eyes. Joe's there, crouched in front of me, not confused or annoyed that I've taken way longer than five minutes: he just looks concerned. I again wonder why I feel absolutely nothing for him. Surely there should be some kind of attraction other than friendship. He's a good man. There's nothing wrong with him at all. He even scrubs up really nice.

I sigh and rest my head back knowing deep down that the only reason Joe seems so wrong is because he's not Miles.

I knew Miles was doing something to me all this time. I would joke with myself that he was making it impossible for any man to stack up next to him. Little did I realize he really was.

"What's happened?" Joe finally asks. I shake my head and wipe my eyes.

"I'm sorry I can't...I can't do this..." I gesture around me wondering how to put it. How on earth do I let down yet another perfectly nice man? "...with you...this whatever it is. Its...I can't. It's not your fault. I've just screwed up yet another element of my life and..."

Joe nods gently giving me the impression I can stop over-explaining so I do, waiting for his reaction.

"Miles?" he guesses correctly. I nod slightly.

"I'm so sorry." And, boy do I sound pitiful.

"It's fine." he says sounding like he means it. "I wasn't that hungry anyway."

I try to smile but scoff instead, still feeling like a monster. Joe stands up and puts his hand out. "I could do with a coffee though." he says. I rest my head back with a sigh

"You're being way too nice about this."

This time he shakes his head as he pulls me up, holding me in place.

"It's my own fault. I knew there was something going on...even if you weren't admitting it."

I throw my head back and flop onto the couch.

"I wish you'd told me. If I'd known then maybe...maybe I wouldn't have hurt him and...and he wouldn't have sounded so crushed like I'd let him down." I rub my eyes again, remembering the tone in his voice and the utter frustration he obviously felt.

Joe stands in front of me and folds his arms.

"I did tell you remember." he says gently. More tears emerge and I nod, knowing he's right. He then pulls out a chair and sits down, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. I however remain scrunched in the corner of the couch sniffing and trying to stop the tears from coming. "What happened?" he asks. I swallow hard and hug my knees.

"I told him I was going out to dinner with you...I didn't even think anything of it at the time but then his tone changed."

"Did he get angry?" Joe asks in a surprisingly defensive way.

"No. Grief no. Miles never seems to get angry at me...I wish he was. It would be better than him sounding so hurt and..." I shake my head. "He's the last person I wanted to upset or. I just didn't know he felt like that."