Adriana's Corner

Chapter 33

I'm laying on the bed willing my mind to stop racing. Miles is in the flat, hopefully sleeping so I'm trying to get some shut eye as well.

I was feeling good. Was being the operative word there. Miles and I spent two hours walking around the property, just chatting and laughing. It was good...really good. I forgot about anything to do with my past and what future conversation has to happen with Miles. We just talked...and talked....and talked.

We had an early dinner which consisted of bread and bacon both of which were local until we both decided we should really have an early nights sleep. After deciding that and talking for another hour about home décor, we finally went our separate ways and my eyes have been plastered to the ceiling ever since. I'm not letting myself think about Adriana or my parents and what they did or didn't do which means only one other thing has continued to stay on my mind.

The thing that's appeared as if magically on my doorstep and is now sleeping only a stones throws away. Assuming you can throw hard.

As much as Miles thinks it's a stupid reason to say no to him, the fact he's too good for me is still playing on my mind. Everything he is to me, I haven't been to him. He's been there at every low to perk me back up. He's been there at every high to be happy for me and what have I done?

Nothing.

Fallen asleep when he calls and taken the phone off the hook while he's worrying about me.

I don't deserve him. I don't have the right to act selfishly yet again by asking him to stay in one place. He can pretend all he likes that he wants to stay but all those years of planning to travel will catch up with him eventually. A few years down the track, the travel books will come out and he'll start on the what ifs, just like the rest of us do.

I throw my head hard against the pillow with a whimper and cover my eyes. This is going to be a long few days, I just know it.

***

I don't sleep...at all, not even slightly. Through the night, I get a lot of thinking done though.

About Miles. About the café. About how the clock in this bedroom is freakishly loud. About how well bacon goes with bread and more frequently: how the hell Miles makes his coffee's taste so good. If all else fails, I need to at least beat that out of him.

Just as the first of the birds were tweeting their good mornings, I realized I will be out in the open today. I don't think it's fair to the general public if they have to see me in this state. Same goes for Miles, I don't want him thinking I look like a wrung out dish rag every day. It will probably take me a couple of hours to make myself feel less like a haggard old spinster so with this decided, I get off the bed and head to the shower.

The shampoo will have to be used in palm-fulls as will the body wash and conditioner. The shaver will need to feature as will the clippers and I'm hoping we won't be needing much hot water later on as I'm planning on using up the majority of it, especially since the water pressure has been upped.

Two hours later, with dried hair, shiny legs and the phone finally back on the hook, I'm out on the deck painting my nails a particularly intense shade of red with a less-than-perfect coffee. The cat I think is Adriana's is watching me from a safe distance, flinching whenever I make a sudden movement. I'm just glad its alive. The sun is only just out, meaning it's still cold and crisp looking in the garden. I quite like this time of morning. . .it's quiet. I can't promise it will win over my bed and duvet every morning but still.

Through the process of de-olding myself, I came to a conclusion about Miles. I concluded that he was once again right. He's here to catch up. It was the original reason he was going to come, I think, but either way, he is a very good friend and I'm going to do no good to myself stressing about what will or will not happen. Focus on now and worry about later when it comes.