Bare Soul

Don't I?

Don't I deserve the same?

I'm not always all sunshine's & rainbows.

I can get pretty stormy.

I shut down whenever I feel like whatever I have to say is not important, or isn't important enough to say, or I won't be heard or understood.

It's easier to express myself over text or in my poetry or over the phone than in person.

I laugh in serious situations (not intentionally to upset someone or at the situation, but I always try to find that silver lining in every situation.)

I can be stubborn.

Sometimes I'm not open to try new things.

Sometimes I have a hard time being open with someone about my feelings.

I can be a bit negative when it comes to my thoughts.

I take things to heart.

I'm really sensitive.

Some days I don't know what I'm feeling.

I cry out of the blue, whenever I have so much built up on the inside.

I struggle with time management.

I have days where I don't want to see or talk to anyone.

In the mornings, I need absolute silence.

I can be clingy, not in an annoying way, but in a way where I'll always make you feel loved. I'll always want to be around you or talk with you, if I really can't get enough of your presence or your conversation. But I always know when to back off.

I don't always stand up for myself,

I avoid arguments, because I know If you make me feel attacked or if you're constantly insulting me, I'm going to hit you where it hurts, and I will not show remorse.

When I'm really infuriated all I can do is cry, because I really want to smash something, scream at someone, throw something, scream at the top of my lungs, or punch someone in the face, but I avoid all of that, because I've tucked my anger away for years, that I'm afraid of who I'll be unleashing when my buttons are really pressed, so I isolate myself instead. I avoid taking out my frustrations on anyone who doesn't deserve it.

I don't always be completely honest with someone about what I'm really thinking or feeling, because I can be too honest to where it may hurt someone's feelings, so there are times where I don't always give away everything, to spare others feelings.

I'm battling my mind everyday. I try to be positive, I really do, but the negatives takes over me, but it doesn't take over my personality nor my heart.

There are several nights where I've cried myself to sleep. And I would rise again the next day as if nothing happened, because I know I have to go on.

I'm not perfect. And I don't want to be.

I have a story just like everyone else. Just like every person I cross paths with.

I know I have flaws. I acknowledge them and I'm willing to work on them.

And as much as I want to hate myself for my shortcomings and screw ups, I tell myself that it's okay to mess up, and I keep going.

I'm trying my best to love myself like I love others, which is unconditionally. Meaning I'll accept someone for their flaws, I'll love them through it, I'll stick by them as they're working on themselves, I don't love anyone any less because of their flaws. I just don't understand what makes me so different. Don't I deserve the same? -J.S.