Bare Soul

Inside of my mind🧠

Inside of my mind🧠

I feel really pretty today.

Let me post this video or photo of me because I think I look really good in it.

*Starts to overanalyze the video by watching it over and over and overlooking for any way the video may make me look ugly or be embarrassing or cringe to post. *

Okay, the picture is good to go.

Oh wait! This isn't my good angle. Oh my gosh why am I smiling like that? Look my hair is uneven here! No, it looks bad! Oh, my goodness why did I share it? I don't look my best.

*Deletes the photo and the video*

Hey, this person seems cool, I want to reach out to them and try to get to know them.

No don't do that. You'll look stupid.

But I think it's a great idea!

No!! They will ignore you! They probably will think you're a creep.

No! They wouldn't be interested in getting to know you, you're not really interesting.

*Decides to not approach or talk to the person.

I would like to give the dating scene a chance.

No!! You are not smart enough!

You are not pretty enough!

You are not good enough!

You don't have a good body type!

You're not lovable!

You're too skinny!

You're not mature enough yet!

You wouldn't be interesting enough to keep the guy interested.

You're not cool enough.

*Avoids guys in every way possible. *

I would like to talk to a friend.

I would like to hang out with a friend.

No, they are too busy for you.

Nope they would rather hang out with someone else than to hang out with you.

No, you're just a bother to them.

You're boring.

You don't do anything they like so you would be considered as lame or a goody two shoes.

*Ends up not contacting my friends. *

I would really like to get closer to this family member.

I would like to get to know who they are.

I would like to understand them better and create memories with them.

Nope they're not interested.

No, they don't like you.

They wouldn't accept you for who you are.

You're not a family favorite.

You're only tolerated.

I would like to try out this opportunity.

I think it would be fun.

I think it would be really good for me.

I would like to give it a try.

Nope you'll fail.

You will look stupid.

You will fall flat on your face.

You wouldn't get the opportunity because why would you? You're not enough.

*Gives up or just doesn't attempt at all at giving myself a chance. *

My thoughts are my biggest demons that I have to battle daily. Really it has been the majority of my life.

This is just a small glimpse inside of my mind. -J.S.