The Angel He Broke

Chapter 17

Every step feels like I have walked a mile. I sat in my car and finally breathe when I made my way out of his house and I stared at the two roads with glassy eyes.
"Just show me the way to hell." I spat and then drove and I honestly didn't know which way I am going but all I wanted right now is to drive.
I had no idea about the time and I parked at the roadside to nowhere and hit the steering wheel until my fist was feeling the exact pain my heart is feeling right now and I screamed.
"How could you be so stupid and reckless?" I scream and slap my cheeks and then sat down exhausted and let the tears flow.
My head was filled with so many memories, the worst kind judging my past actions and all I wanted to do was hit my head with something if that could help me not to remember.

I was shivering not knowing if it was because I was angry or the cold weather.
I hug myself tight and I wanted to throw up badly when I remembered him asking me to leave like a cheap whore and I wished I listened to mum because I will still have some dignity left but what of his worst intentions I just heard?
"But what is the use now! I wished I never heard it. I was stupid and dumb and he just used me." I scream in my head and I disgustedly glare at my reflection. I struggled to put the key in the ignition with my shaky hand and staring at the road, all that I was seeing was an endless road to my misery.
I rest my head on the steering wheel, feeling the tear drops soaking my jeans and I clutch my blouse, a stupid way I can think of to help somehow stop my heart from aching and I just wish I could remove my heart into my hand and then do some stitching and apply some ointment and painkillers to help with the pain and maybe get a chance to sleep with it in my arms.

I was losing my mind with all the hints that are becoming clearer reminding me how stupid I was. I need something to distract myself and I started looking for the silly notes Cher would make and I got one and it has my name on it and I swear it was spelled Fail Stupid and I blinked couple of times and I look again.
Fail Sucker and I sharply turned to the rear view mirror to see if I still look the same and my lips tremble.
I need someone to talk to and I called Violet and it was busy and I just realized she must be bickering with Liam and it is definitely not the right time to talk to the folks.
I called Cheryl and she picked on the first ring and I put it on speaker out.
"Hey, Faith I was about to call you, c'mon let it out or you want me there?" She asked and I gulp as my throat felt tight and I sniff.

"Are you alright Faith, did he hurt you? You want me to come over with the police?" She desperately asked and I allow the tears to fall and I started the car. "Please Cher can you stay w-with me because I'm losing my mind with these memories of how stupid I was." I pleaded and the road was blurry.
"Faith, you stay with me and tell me what happened because you're freaking me out." She anxiously said and I sniff again.
"Can I stay with you for the night?" I asked and she was silent.
"What Faith, you can stay with me forever but you can't drive through the night and you're upset." She said and I blink to get a clearer view of the dark road.
"Where are you Faith?" She asked and she sounds so scared and I sob.
"I don't even know where I  am and it really hurts Cher, can you do something to help me." I managed to say in between the sobs.

"Faith just stop the car and stop crying for a while so that I can tell you how to use your phone to order an Uber to any hotel nearby and I promise you I will be the first face you'll see in the morning." She gently said and I look at the phone.
"Why do I have the feeling that you won't listen to me?" She groans and I forced a smile. "You cared." I said and the other line was silent.
"What the hell Faith, please stop the car and take Uber or taxi but I want you out of the road." She snaps and I wipe the tear from my cheek. "I saw my name spell Fail Stupid and Fail Sucker and I guess it is a sign.
"All I am asking is one more chance to be someone better rather than a loser and stupid or I am doomed to have these awful memories for life and trust me Cher they are not friendly." I said and she sighs.

"Trust me Faith the chance is there but it is dark now and you can't see it. Trust me Faith you'll see it and Nick called saying he has been trying to reach you and he was talking about the business proposal and Liam is even helping out Faith and that is what we're all going to do. Just stop the car." She said and I sigh.
I couldn't stop as stopping in the middle of nowhere is even dangerous and I decided to drive a little bit longer and see if I could get a place to stay for the night.
I took the chance to explain everything to her and she was silent but I could imagine the fumes from her ears and nose.
"Why didn't you let the police arrest him, he deserves to rot in jail and I wish I was there to break his neck." Cheryl spat with anger and I was quiet.

"I just want to close my eyes like forever and when I open I will be free from this pain I am feeling. It hurts really bad Cher. I want to be free and rest. God knows I deserve it." I stated with fresh tears rolling down my cheeks.
"Why do I have the feeling that you want to die. Stop that nonsense Faith because it will be like giving him what he wants from the start." She scolds and I moistened my dry lips.
"What is the point Cher? He won already and I'm a disgrace to the family. The reason I didn't go home to mum and dad is that I was ashamed. I feel dirty and worthless." I stared at the road with glassy eyes and blink to get a clearer view of the but I couldn't control the tears.
"Faith, remember that we need you. I'm pregnant so please just stay safe for your nephew or niece." She confesses and I gasp as my heart was relieved from the pain for a while.
"Really? I mean wow. Congrats and I will surely be..." I froze and the light from the truck almost blinded me.

"...Argh!" I screamed in fear when the truck hits my car before I could do anything to stay alive for the only being who doesn't know about my failure. The car was spinning making me dizzy and I could hear Cheryl calling my name and just like that everything brutally stopped and I moan when my head hits something hard.
"Faith, please talk to me." I heard her voice like a whisper and I felt a severe pain in my head. Death right now is the sweetest thing in my life as I thought it could be the only savior to save me from my shame and the ache.
My body was numb and the only pain was from my head and it was like my brain was slowly dying and I was fighting with everything within me to stay awake for a while to remember my family, Violet and Liam, even my annoying neighbor and the dreams I had, Violet and I were going to create something wonderful. I even imagined my niece or nephew.

I got to look at the bright side when I am a ghost; I could be with them all the time and I won't feel the pain anymore but the thought of them not seeing me or hearing me talk or hugging them made my blood cold and that was the most lonely time in my life I got to experience within the shortest time and I will rather live with the pain just to see them again. I was slowly drowning in the dark and that's the scariest thing I have ever seen.
I slowly opened my eyes to look around and be the person on the other side telling me not to close my eyes and hold on.
I was looking for a way to escape but it was dark and smokes were everywhere and I felt like being trapped in a bottle and I couldn't control any part of me, I couldn't scream for someone to help me or tell Cher that I need help, all that was surrounding me is smoke and darkness.

"Dear God, please I don't wanna die." I pray using the only light I could see that I am somehow alive and my eyes suddenly shut.
How does it feels to die, I always thought I will see my helpless body and somehow my spirit was still glued to my body.
It felt like eternity, although I couldn't open my eyes but I was somehow feeling everything around me and I knew I could rest now when I heard an angel's voice.

Hold on bae, stay with me.