Without Her

epilogue

5 years later

"Good morning!!!"

The cheerful voice of my daughter wakes me up, like every day, and her small footsteps approach my bed-- her excitement crystal clear as her feet thump near me.

"It's Saturdayyy!" she sings, and I groan as the sharp sunlight invades my dark room from her opening the blinds.

I don't get how she wakes up before me every day and her energy being inexplicable this early.

Just like her mum.

I hear her sigh when I pull one of the pillows over my head to shield myself from the light and get one more moment of peace.

She clicks her tongue, as I feel her weight on the bed, plopping beside me and my arm wraps around her small body, pulling her closer to me.

"Happy birthday, princess" I sighed, inhaling the scent of her hair as she tightly embraces me back.

"Thank you, daddy. Wake up, would you?" she says in a sassy tone, and I let out a chuckle, finally opening my eyes to meet with her beauty the first thing in the morning.

Her fingers fiddle with the material of the black t-shirt she's wearing. My t-shirt, she insisted on wearing to sleep. Even though I've tried a hundred times to get her to stop wearing my clothes, and make her understand that it's too big for her now, she doesn't agree. She would wear my shirts to sleep, or randomly just to try and piss me off. But my heart swells seeing her do the exact same things her mum would do, and looking as pretty as her, even more in fact.

"It's Saturday" she whispers really close to my face before pampering me with kisses.

"I know darling. It's also your birthday" I stroke her soft hair behind, and give her a kiss on the forehead as I notice the big smile displayed on her face.

It's the day in the week that she looks forward to the most ever since she began understanding the routine the two of us had formed.

Being just 5 years old, she's really fucking smart for her age, and not to mention she doesn't trouble me in any way, nonetheless, she helps me.

Helps me live.

Knowing I'd be greeted by her stunning face every morning, it's the only reason I wish to wake up. Knowing that my day would end with tucking her into bed, and her making me go through her to-do list for the next day, it's the only reason I wish to survive through the day.

Today also marks 5 years without her. It's been 5 fucking years since she left us, left me alone. But not one day goes by without thinking about her. Every day I miss her so fucking much, but the pain kept settling in my body with time and now it's constant so I am not affected by the ache in my chest so much.

Raising our daughter all alone, all by myself was a big task, a very hard one. But I did it and every day my girl reminds me of how grateful I am for her. The little moments, when she resembles Tessa so much, every moment I spend with her fills my heart.

"Are you asleep again?" she piped in, holding my face with her palms on either side as she brings her nose to meet with mine.

"Yes" I keep my eyes closed, and she lets out a small giggle shaking her head as the tip of our noses rub against each other.

"Be a good boy, daddy" she taunts me in the same way how I ask her to be a good girl when she wouldn't wake up for school. It's overwhelming.

"If only you would get off of me, will I be able to get out of bed, hm?" I speak and she laughs out loud, her laugh already making my day a hundred times better.