My Little Fire

15

"W-What do you mean?" I stuttered. What the fuck is wrong with me? I never stutter.

"Don't play all innocent now, little fire" Caspian tsked knowingly "You know exactly what I am talking about."

My neck craned as my face turned to the side so that I could look anywhere else but at his face. 

"Looks like I need to remind you" Caspian said to himself as I still didn't utter any words.

He backed away and took his phone out of his pocket and a few seconds later, a song started playing from his phone. Now, this song I knew, Heat of the Moment by Asia started playing in the background. I am not going to lies, I was expecting a more romantic song. 

"Seriously?" I laughed, forgetting everything that happened a few seconds earlier.

He simply shrugs and takes my hands in his and starts shaking his hips which looked quite funny to be honest. I bursted out laughing, looking at him.

Caspian tsked, "Don't laugh, as if you're any better than me!"

"You're right, I am sorry" I said, holding in my laugh but then started laughing "or not."

He clutches my hand tightly then asked me to roll back to him and I did as he dipped me down and pushes me back up then, we both start shaking with the beat as both of our hands were gripping each other as we start dancing quite funnily. We both were not great dancers and if anyone saw us right now they would be able to tell clearly. 

Soon enough, the classic song ended and one of the Cigarettes After Sex songs starts playing. 

We both now start swaying slowly opposite of our previous movements. His both hands down on my hips whereas mine linked around his neck. 

My eyes meet his, "What's the name of this song?"

"Kiss it off me" He whispered.

"Cliche" I said, while he chuckled, "But I like it."

He smiled, both of us forgetting what we were talking or doing here, "Me too."

I bite my lip, now remembering that he was jealous of River and I did not wanted him to feel that so I blurted out, "River asked me out!" His grip tightened around my waist, "He is the guy I was dancing with."

He exhaled loudly, I could see different emotions dancing inside his eyes right now, he was letting me see his feelings right now and I am going to savour every moment of it. 

Leaning his forehead against mine, he closes his eyes and I feel his body relaxing.

 "I declined" I told him in a whisper, "I said no."

I see him smiling as he whispers back "Good girl."

He then opens his eyes leans back and kisses me, slowly and passionately, both of our eyes closing softly this time. I could feel myself melting in his arms, my knees turning jell-o.

 We both break the kiss, our eyes opening back, he smiled widely and I could see his eyes twinkling with happiness, his hand comes up to cup my cheek, he whispers "You are so beautiful."

And I giggled while blushing. Me? Giggling and blushing? Pigs must be flying right now.

If you had told me a few months ago that I would be giggling and blushing because of a guy, I would've laughed at you and then asked what are you high on.

Caspian settles down on the floor and motions me to come forward, I stepped forward only for him to pull my wrist as I drop down on his lap.

"Heyyy" I whine while laughing and settling on his lap. I was now straddling him with my knees by his sides, on the floor. 

His hands soon find my thighs and gripped them tightly. 

"You should laugh more" He says while looking at my face as if picturing everything in his mind. 

"You should give me more reasons to laugh then" I replied while my hands roam his soft hair. 

I continued, "But no, you like to piss me off." 

He groans, "Don't ruin this by reminding me about it."

Then, comes up to kiss my lips again, this night. But I backed my head away from his reach because now I was off the high whatever Caspian had put me into. Now, I remembered everything.

"Reminding you about what?" I asked as anger started coursing through my veins again. 

"About every fucking thing! About why I can't have you!" He roared as he pushes me lightly to get off his lap. I obliged.

"There is a reason why you're doing this?" I wondered out loud.

He cursed, "No, fuck! Forget I said anything."

"Why! Why won't you tell me anything? I deserve to know!" I shouted at him.

"You deserve to know?" He huffed.

I stared at him angrily. This turned dark quickly. 

"Yes! I deserve to know, Caspian" I told him, "Because you hurt me" I whispered out.

 My eyes wander around to not make eye contact with him, "You have hurt me, Caspian. With your words" I said, remembering back to the day at library, "With your actions" my mind went back to the night when I heard him having sex.

"You've hurt me a lot, Caspian. And it is not easy for me to tell you this because I know you will probably make fun of my feelings again and you will probably hurt me again but I am confused."

He turns his back on me as he raked his hands through his hair and then down his face showing how tired he was of this. 

His head hangs low facing the floor, his back still facing me, he whispers out in a defeated voice, "What do you want me to say?"

"Say what you feel. Tell me why do you get jealous when I am with some other guy? Tell me why do I have to answer to you when I am with someone else, but you can do anything you want, you can fuck any girl you want but I can't do the same with another guy. Tell me what do you want me to do? Tell me, do you want me or not?" At the end, I felt a tear drop down my cheek and my voice wavering. 

I thought this time, he would finally give in. If I just let him know, how I feel or how I've been feeling then he would finally, either ask me to be in his life or get out of it and I would at least get my answer.

But like every fucking time, he disappoints me again.

I watch him walk towards the door, clicking the door open and walking out of it without giving me any answer. 

And just like every fucking time, I hear my heart breaking once again.