Finding Heather

Year 4 Chapter 10

Harry Potter and everything magical in his world belongs to JK Rowling, not me.

Chapter Ten

When the Christmas Holidays began, everyone breathed an immense sigh of relief. The fourth years had been piled with homework to complete over the break, not even Hermione, felt much like making at start on it. Unlike during previous years most of the students above third year had elected to stay at Hogwarts for the holidays, so the castle remained very full. Harry still hadn't found a time to talk to Hermione about everything he was feeling. Once again, he found himself caught between her and Ron, making finding a chance to really talk to her difficult. It reached the point where he had to ask Ginny to get Hermione down to their toilet the first Saturday of break. Harry got there half an hour early under the invisibility cloak. Too nervous to sit he paced, invisible, around and around the ring of mirrors, waiting for the girls to arrive.The sound of the handle turning startled him out of his reverie. Hermione proceeded Ginny, a look of complete confusion on her face. When Harry stepped out from under the cloak, Hermione looked quickly between him and Ginny, who had closed the door and taken up a place nearby."What's going on?" Hermione asked when no one else spoke."Harry has something he wants to say." Said Ginny, nodding at Harry.Hermione turned back to look at him. "I was wrong," he started, "I was wrong about not wanting to be a girl. I was ashamed and scared, and took those feelings and acted stupidly. I'm really sorry, Hermione."Hermione looked at him, not responding. Harrys nerves, which were already on edge, started creeping towards full blown panic. Finally, with a shriek, Hermione threw herself at him, tightly pulling him into a hug."Hermione?" he asked through a mouthful of hair."I've been so worried about you, Harry. I was so scared I'd pushed you too fast into things you might not have been ready for." She released him but held onto his arms, staring into his eyes. Over her shoulder he could see Ginny giving him a stern but caring expression."That wasn't it" he said, "so much happened at once and I got scared. There's something else you should know.""What?" asked Hermione, pulling back to look at him. Gingerly, Harry once again rolled up the leg of his pants, revealing the bruise. It was mostly healed by this point, as he hadn't hit himself since he had talked to Ginny, but it was still plain to see on his pale skin. Hermione's reaction was almost as heart wrenching as Ginny's had been. Tears formed as Harry explained what it was, and what had caused it. "I was stupid." he finished, dropping the leg back down to hide the ugly mark."No, you weren't, Harry" said Ginny, crossing to the two of them, "you were overwhelmed. It happens. What matters is that you figured out what you really want and weren't afraid to reach back out to us.""But I was afraid" pointed out Harry."And you overcame that and reached out. That's what's important. That, and you stopped injuring yourself." Ginny continued, battering down his argument."Yeah, I guess." Harry muttered."Now all that's left to discuss is where we go from here" said Ginny, sharing a look with Hermione."What do you mean?" asked Harry. "You threw away everything I had. Won't we have to start over completely?"At this, Hermione blushed slightly. "Actually Harry, nothing was thrown out. Everything you gave me is at the bottom of my trunk. I didn't want to get rid of it, hoping you might change your mind."Emotion bubbled up in Harry's stomach is the implications of this worked their way through his mind. He wouldn't have to begin again; he could just pick right up where the left off. "But why?" he asked Hermione. "Why didn't you throw it away?""I was really hoping you'd decide you'd want to be a girl again." She said, grinning sheepishly at him. "To be honest, I missed my friend. Being friends with Harry is nice, but I missed hanging out with girl you."Harry just smiled at her. "Could....could I have them back?" Harry asked."Of course!" Hermione cried, the pure excitement of her voice rebounding off the stone walls of the bathroom. "You wait here, and we'll go and get everything."An hour and a half later, the three of them were sitting on benches talking about their plans for the ball. Hermione was trying to decide how she was going to do her hair, which was always bushy and harder to tame that even Harry's was, while he caught up on two month's worth of magazines. Hermione hadn't cancelled his subscription yet in the hope of him one day wanting them. For an outfit he had chosen a yellow jumper with flowers around the neck over another pair of skinny jeans, and had left his hair to run free, relishing in its length. He looked up when Ginny made a comment about a certain green dress."Harry's even been dreaming about it, haven't you?" she asked, smiling at him."You dreamed about wearing that dress?" Hermione piped in, "That sounds like a fun dream.""It was a good one." Harry replied, burying his face in his magazine."And he danced with a mysterious stranger in it" added Ginny, who was enjoying poking at him."Who was it? Asked Hermione."I dunno. His face was never clear." Harry replied, flicking to the next page. Niether Hermione or Ginny were willing to let it go at that. Slowly, with excruciating persistence, they extracted every detail he could remember about the dream, oohing and ahhing at Harry's description of how he'd felt being held while swirling around the dance floor. Feeling his face turn bright pink, Harry rose and went to look at himself in the mirror again. There was something about his reflection that just felt, right. Having not seen it in so long, he had been shocked to discover that he almost felt more right seeing himself dressed up as a girl than he did dressed normally. He saw both girls watching him intently from where they were seated."What's up? He said turning towards them."Does she have a name?" asked Ginny."Does who have a name?" Harry replied confused.Ginny gestured at the mirror and Harry turned to see his reflection. Catching on, he said, "Do you think she needs one?""Well, that depends I guess." Said Hermione, "who is she to you?"Harry pondered this question for a moment. Feeling again the rightness of looking like a girl. It was almost as if he were a different person than the one who had stood here almost two hours ago, wearing Harry Potter's clothes. This was the first time he had ever thought of himself as two separate individuals, one, the boy Harry Potter, and the other this beautiful girl now staring back out of the mirror. It was as though all the problems facing Harry, could be left behind as long as he was her."She's an escape. A way to stop being Harry Potter for a while." He said after a long pause. "So, I think she should have a name." said Ginny, coming to stand by him.Harry thought about that. He thought about the girl version of his name, Harriet, and instantly discarded it. "I don't know many girl's names" he said, "I don't even know where to start looking for one.""Well, we can come up with some and you can see how you like them." Suggested Ginny. Before dinner the three set back out for Gryffindor Tower to allow Harry to put his newly returned clothes into his trunk. Into his bedside table he placed his diary and magazines, making sure to lock the drawer with a charm Hermione had taught him. With some trepidation he swapped out the bottles in his shower bag, knowing that as soon as the other boys smelled them the chatter would start again. Strangely he realized in that moment that he didn't care. Harry liked how they smelled and how they made his skin feel. She likes them came that little voice in his head, which wasn't so little anymore. Who cares what anyone else thinks? You fought a dragon and beat it. Why should words scare you?The days in the final run up to the ball were exciting, as nervousness and exuberance filled the castle. The twins had perfected a new treat which caused its victims to transform in canaries for several minutes after eating them. It wasn't long before no one in Gryffindor Tower ate food that was offered them. Ron wasn't willing to let the question of who Hermione was going to the ball with drop, and insisted on badgering her constantly about it. At her request, Harry was playing dumb on the subject, and didn't tell Ron anything. She, in turn, was badgering Harry about his egg. He hadn't done anything with it in ages. It was sitting on his bedside table like a trophy, untouched.At long last Christmas Day dawned, the snow thick on the grounds. Dobby had woken Harry that morning to bring him his present, which was a pair of handmade socks. Harry thanked Dobby and both he and Ron let the little elf take a pair of socks each from them in return. Socks were Dobby's favorite piece of clothing. Harry's remaining presents were more enjoyable, though he would never admit that to Dobby. He'd gotten a magical knife from Sirius, dung bombs from Ron, sweets from Hagrid, and a new sweater from Mrs. Weasley, this one with a large dragon knitted on the front.When he opened the gift from Hermione he was slightly disappointed to see a book on Quidditch Teams. He assumed that she had bought it during his break from being "her." Without a name to call her, that was the best way he had to describe her. Both Ginny and Hermione had come up with some options, but as it turned out choosing a new name was a very difficult thing to do. Whenever he got to thinking about it, he began wondering what his mother would have named him if he'd been born a girl. In the Evans family, if his mother and aunt's names were any indication, girls tended to be named after flowers. He'd considered Rose, Ivy, Iris, and Jasmine, none of them felt right when he compared them to his reflection in the mirror.Breaking from his reverie, Harry saw the rest of the boys up and getting dressed, loudly planning a snowball fight in the grounds. Harry grabbed his clothes and headed for the bathroom. So far no one had mentioned his old habits returning, and Harry was appreciative. Even Ron had kept any comments he might have thought to himself. Down in the common room, plenty of other people had started hanging about, deciding how they wanted to pass the time until it was time to get ready for the ball that evening. Hermione and Ginny were sitting at a table with Lavender and Pavarti, which surprised Harry as those four weren't exactly friends. He waved at them before following the rest of the boys out of the portrait hole and down to the grounds, silently wishing he could go join them. The snowball fight that ensued was a three hour long slugging match. It began as Gryffindors versus Gryffindors, but when word spread and groups of Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws arrived, it became a three way battle. It was never expressly stated, but they all knew whichever house surrendered first would be mocked for a long time to come. After hours of intense fighting, in which almost everyone got a snowball down their shirt, Ravenclaw was declared victorious, though there were some calls of foul when they began bewitching snowballs to hit targets with unerring efficiency. The girls had come outside roughly half way into the battle, and had joined in with a will. By now everyone was wet and freezing to the bone, and it was agreed that a truce would exist until lunch was over, at which point Gryffindor wanted a rematch. When they had eaten, the girls split off, intending to begin getting ready. Harry likewise decided he was done with snowball fighting and wanted to go upstairs."What?" Ron called to Hermione and Ginny as they informed him of this, "you've got hours till the ball!"Harry could hear some chuckles from the rest of the boys as he followed the girls, but they all seemed to accept it without comment. As he clambered through the portrait hole, he could feel the palpable excitement flooding down the staircase to the girl's dormitories accompanied my many peals of laughter. Feeling slightly jealous he couldn't be a part of it, he climbed the stairs to his own dormitory. Opening his trunk, he laid his dress robes out on his bed before fishing out new underwear to put on after his shower. He immediately discarded the idea of wearing a bra under everything as too dangerous, but felt that knickers would be safe enough. Shoving the pair he selected into his shower bag for safe keeping, Harry moved into the bathroom and turned on the hot water. He showered slowly, shaving every piece of hair he could find below his eyebrows then, as the dormitory was still mercifully empty, used the tweezers that had been included in his make up kit to pluck any stray eyebrow hairs and sculpt the rest of them. Satisfied, he started getting dressed.He had only just pulled his trousers up over his knickers when the door opened and the rest of the boys walked in. They were all looking forward to spending the evening with their dates, comparing them to one another as boys do when talking about girls in private. Neville was particularly nervous, trying to remember the dances they'd been taught, while Ron was using a severing charm to try and remove as much lace from his robes as possible, looking morose. Before leaving Harry took one more look at himself in the mirror. His hair was laying flat, combed nicely to sweep back over his ears, and the robes did an amazing job to bring out the color of his eyes. It definitely wasn't the same as the dress from his dreams, but it could be far worse.When they were all ready, they went down the staircase, filing along with boys from other years. In the Common Room, the usual sea of black Hogwarts robes had been replaced with robes of a hundred different colors. Ginny was there, waiting for Neville, her dress looking very pretty and fitting her well. Both Hermione and Pavarti were no where to be seen however. Upon asking her, Lavender informed Harry and Ron, amid much giggling, that they were both waiting for their dates in the Entrance Hall. Ron, who was meeting Padma there as well, left through the Portrait Hole with Harry. A very similar scene awaited them as they reached the top of the Marble Staircase, students from all three schools were milling around wearing robes and dresses of a hundred different colors and styles. Harry was looking around for Hermione, excited to see how she looked. She had been keeping the precise details of what she was going to do a surprise. "There they are," said Ron, pointing toward the hourglasses that kept track of the house points. Harry looked to where he was pointing, expecting to see Hermione and Krum, but saw Ron was pointing out Padma and Pavarti. They had dressed alike in sari-style dresses of pink and orange, with the colors swapped between them.As they approached, Harry saw Padma take in Ron's robes and her face fell noticeably."Don't you look, dashing." She said to Ron, plainly trying to be nice. Unfortunately, Ron wasn't in the mood to be placated, and they quickly moved off towards the doors to the Great Hall. Harry ran his eye over Pavarti's dress, admiring the way she wore it. Without meaning too he blurted out "I love your dress." Turning red, which made him look somewhat festive in his green robes, he tried to stammer a follow up, less girly comment, when Pavarti smiled at him."Thank you, Harry, I'm glad you like it" she said, taking his arm and leading him towards the head of the crowd. They found Professor McGonagall who was gathering the other champions around her to give them final instructions. Even though Harry knew who the girl standing beside Krum was, it still took a minute for him to completely register that she was Hermione. She stood there looking stunning in her lilac dress he had helped her pick out, her hair sleek and smooth, and tied in an elegant knot in the back of her head. She smiled at them and winked. Pavarti's jaw had dropped, but then a wide smile filled her face.Soon the doors opened, and the champions led the way into the hall. There was much muttering as they passed the lined students, but for once it felt as though it wasn't directed at Harry, but at Hermione. She and Krum were directly in front of them, and Hermione was getting glares from Krum's fan club. If anything, that seemed to make me add a small skip to each step.Taking his place in the center of the dance floor with the other three couples, Harry held Pavarti's waist and began to dance. The music was thankfully very easy to follow and he only stepped on her feet once. No one joined the champions and their dates on the dance floor for the length of the first song. As the notes faded and applause broke out, other couples swept forward, soon filling the open stretch of floor all around them. Harry had a wonderful time. The second and third songs played by the wizarding band, The Weird Sisters, were simple tunes that anyone could dance too without much thought, and he slowly found his footing and there were no more injured toes. During the second song, he saw Ron leading Padma from the floor, niether of them looking very happy. He and Pavarti stayed close to Hermione and Krum, who danced every song, seemingly lost to the world around them. Eventually Pavarti asked for a break, and they made their way over to the high table. The food was exquisite, Harry thought the house elves were working overtime down there, and it wasn't long until they were back on the dance floor. Pavarti was a fun and patient dance partner, she knew almost all of the Weird Sisters' repertoire. The longer they danced together the gladder he was to have asked her to go with him. He'd never really gotten to know Pavarti before now, thinking of her as just another giggling girl, but underneath, as he was learning about most girls, there was another side to her. The music faded as he came to this conclusion and everyone stopped and looked around at the stage. The band began a slow song, which was clearly intended for more intimate dancing. After only the briefest hesitation, Harry followed along with Pavarti and held her closely, turning in time with the music. To his surprise Ron and Padma returned to view, both dancing in an almost identical embrace to Harry and Pavarti. He nudged her, gesturing at them with his head. She smiled and returned her attention to Harry. "Well, looks like those two are getting pretty close." She whispered."They are, I'm surprised. I always figured Ron had a thing for Hermione." Harry replied."Well, she seems pretty happy too." She said, nudging her chin at Hermione and Krum, who were still dancing like they were alone in the hall."Wow, they are. I wonder if we look as happy." Harry said, really wondering how he'd misjudged this girl all these years."We might be, if you were into me that way, Harry." She replied evenly. "What do you mean?" he asked."Oh Harry, it's pretty obvious you have a type and it's not me." She smiled in a reassuring way that made Harry feel comfortable."And what type do you think that is?" he asked cautiously, hoping the music completely covered their low voices."Well," she started, but was interrupted by the ending of the song. It seemed the band had decided to change things up, and the next song was a loud and raucous number, resulting in a mad rush of dancing and gyrating figures, partners temporarily forgotten as everyone yelled and screamed in delight. Harry tried to keep close to Pavarti, but the crowd quickly pushed them apart. He found himself dancing with several people in turn, two girls from Ravenclaw he'd never met before, a rather swarthy girl from Durmstrang, and to his surprise, a boy from Beauxbatons. It was different dancing with someone he had to look up towards, but also very nice. He was too caught up in the experience to notice the looks he was getting, but in that moment he most like wouldn't have cared if he had. Excusing himself and diving out of the mob when the song ended, Harry saw Pavarti standing near the refreshment table getting a glass of punch. She waved at him and he moved to join her, his cheeks still pink at what had just happened."I think you found your type out there" she said, grinning at him when he got close enough to be able to hear her."What do you mean?" He asked."I'm talking about that cute boy from Beauxbatons who you were just dancing with. You two looked very cute together.""You saw that?" Harry asked with trepidation."Harry," Pavarti replied with the exasperated shake of her head, "the entire Hall just saw that.""You don't think two boys dancing together is weird?" he asked."Why would I? I know its not normal but it also isn't unheard of. Some people have a problem with it but not me." She replied. They didn't return to the dance floor. Pavarti asked if it was ok if she went to go dance with one of the Durmstrang boys. Seeing Ron, who had just said goodnight to Padma, heading towards the Entrance Hall, Harry said goodnight, and caught up with him. The oak front doors stood wide open, letting a chill air into the hall. Both suffused in the warm glow of an unexpectedly successful evening, the two decided a walk in the garden that had been planted outside was in order before going to bed.