Can you love me?

Chapter Thirteen: Three steps back

Natasha's POV:

"I'll come back for you Lena i promise. I promise, i'll come and find you. I won't let them keep you. I promise. I promise." "No!! Don't leave me here sestra, please please i can't do it without you. No! Please help, stay or you could take me with you anything!" Yelena grabbed onto my wrist and tried to drag me down. "Lena i'm sorry, its not safe for you. Not for us. I will come back." And with one swift movement i disarmed her and began running. I was free. But lena wasn't. Lena.

I woke up covered in sweat and gasping for air. Lena. Id left her years ago, id never gone back. I had tried and tried but when i took the red room down i couldn't find her. My sister was dead because of me. I'd had fury look into files upon files to try find any trace but nothing came up. Yelena was dead and it was all my fault. I heard faint knocks on my door. "GO AWAY! I DONT NEED YOUR SYMPATHY WANDA!" I screamed at the door, my voice came out hoarse from crying but i couldn't correct myself. But Wanda didn't reply, it wasn't Wanda at the door. "Hey Nat, can i come in maybe? I get nightmares too." Peters soft voice could be heard from the other side of the door. "It wasn't a nightmare Peter, leave me alone." I heard shuffling outside and a little voice. "Okay but well could you open the door?" I sighed and let him in and he was stood small by the doorframe with a glass of warm milk. "So uhm Mr Stark said i could stay the night and i couldn't sleep because well anyway and i heard you and you seemed upset so.. Aunt May always says some warm milk helps so i thought id bring you some. Its okay if you don't want it! But you know."

He really was too sweet, I wanted to be alone. I wanted Wanda. "Oh thanks Peter, honestly, but uh idk who you heard it wasn't be maybe it was Sam you know such a wimp sometimes. Okay well i hope you get to sleep. Bye." I blurted out and shut the door in his face, leaving him stood shell-shocked outside. I flung myself onto the bed and started sobbing. I forgot about Lena. I forgot for so long. Then it clicked. It was a few days away from her birthday. Three. To be exact. How could i forget about her birthday. I was useless. The worlds worst sister, i couldn't look after her when she was alive and now she's dead i forgot about her. I grabbed floop and cried and cried into my pillow. My sleep was officially ruined.

Wanda's POV:

I turned over and groaned as i heard a faint knock on my door. "Come in but if its not important i'm not responsible for what happens to you." I sat up and flicked my light on as Peter peered around the door. "Peter? Did you have another nightmare? Is Tony asleep? We can go get him if you'd like?" I rushed over to him and started rubbing his back. "Uhm no Wanda its nothing like that, well i did have, well that doesn't matter. So i think Nat had a nightmare and she seems upset so i don't know i thought to get you. Sorry." My baby. Was she okay? "Are you sure it was Nat? Thank you Peter, you can go downstairs now. Thank you." I practically ran to Nats room and pounded on the door before realizing maybe that was a bit harsh. "Dekta, dekta its mama, it's wanda. Can you open the door for me?" I tried the door but it was locked, of course. "WANDA GO AWAY! I SWEAR TO GOD IF THAT LITTLE SPIDER BOY CAME AND TOLD YOU I WILL KILL HIM! I DONT NEED YOU! I DONT NEED ANYONE! GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE!" Natasha's voice cracked multiple times as she made a poor attempt at shouting. I heard Peter whimper slightly at Nats words, i know she didn't mean it but i'm not sure peter did.

"Jarvis, please contact either Tony or Pepper and tell then to come to my floor and collect Peter. Tell them its urgent."I asked Jarvis while i hugged Peter. He remained stiff but after a couple of seconds relaxed and looked up at me with tears in his eyes. "Natty no like me no more?" My heart melted. "No spidey, no Nat loves you, she's just going through some hard things right now. She has some big girl feelings and that's hard sometimes." I wiped his tear just as both Tony and Pepper came sprinting, well Tony was and Pepper was half running but still looking extremely civilized, they looked worried sick. "Don't worry, Nat is just feeling scared and she threatened ish Peter and i didn't want him to hear it, i think he's slipped." Peter looked up slowly and a massive smile formed on his face. "Momma! Daddy! Peter missed yous!!" Tony scooped him up and booped him in the nose and Pepper kissed his forehead. "We missed you too kiddo, how about we go rewarm that milk and get you to bed hmm?" Tony said as he bounced Peter and started walking away.

Once the family were out of sight, i knocked on Nats door again, softer this time. "Malaya, if you don't open the door, i'll open it myself, i'm here, please baby." I heard no sound. Nothing. I opened the door with my powers and ran in. I couldn't see Nat, i saw Floop abandoned on the bed and a wet patch in the sheets but no Nat. I started panicking and ran into her bathroom. There she was.

Tw for the next paragraph ish it will include self harm :(

"Nat!? Oh baby. What did you do? Come here its okay." I ran to Nat and tried to pick her up. She was covered in blood and multiple knives were scattered about the floor. In return Nat started kicking and screaming. "NO! GET AWAY FROM ME WANDA! IM A MONSTER! GO AWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE NOW!" She kicked me in the ribs and screamed her lungs out. I had a tight hold on her and she was thrashing about a lot. "Natasha, calm down. In here for you. You are not a monster. You are brave and beautiful." She had stopped kicking about as much and her screams had been reduced to sobs. I had blood on my hands and she was practically covered. "Good girl, i'm so proud of you baby. Do you want to tell me why you got so upset? I was trying to help and so was Peter." I sat down with Nat straddled on my lap and started stroking her hair. She violently shook her head and started crying again.

"Okay baby, i understand, its okay Wandas here, Wanda's here. Can i get you cleaned up please?" Natasha simply pulled her wrists from underneath me and held them out. I was shocked at how many there were, many new but dozens were old. I decided not to say anything and go to work on bandaging her wrists. She hissed in pain and i apologized profusely, it had to be done but i hated hurting my baby.

Okayyy the tw is over, and i hope if it is a trigger to anyone out there that you are okay and just to remember your worthy and ilysm <333

"Okay all sorted baby, can i pick you up and we can go to my room?" I rubbed her back and felt a small nod in the crook of my neck. I decided i would leave the cleaning til later so i hurried out of her room, grabbing floop on the way out, and made my way to my room. I noticed Nat had started slowly suckling on my collarbone and i couldn't help but smile. I had no idea where her paci was so i decided to let her stay that way. Just for her nap. I settled us down on my rocking chair and started going through the new emails. Who knew avengers had to many emails to reply to? I would let Nat sleep for a couple of hours then try and wake her up. I just had to know why she got so upset.