I remain an idiot so that the people around me can be intelligent.

frustration

2017.

11th Grade, Senior High School.

We had a task for our subject in English Literature. That was to write a book review of any book we wanted to make a review of. I had gone the way of the most pretentious and obnoxious way of making a book review and that was to make a book review of my own novel that I didn't even finish writing at that time and had the "book" named on a nom de plume [to which I've also already forgotten since I have already deleted any traces of this unfinished novel of mine due to frustration during those times].

This monologue is not about my unfinished novel when I was still starting to write. This is about that time when a classmate of mine by the name of Ericka asked for my help to write her book review.

Nothing pervasive, scandalous, or outrageous. It was an innocent and kind gesture to show hospitability and chivalry. I invited Ericka to our house and helped her write her book review. I remember she brought a book with her published and authored by Nicholas Sparks. I couldn't remember the title since I only read the first ten pages and skipped to the final page of the book. After that, I wrote her a book review. I didn't put in much effort on that paper and I did not make it obvious that the review was written by someone else.

Ericka thanked me for that. I did not ask anything for compensation.

A week later at school, a group of girls approached me and asked me if I had helped Ericka write a book review. Of course, the honest fellow I was, I told them the truth. "I helped her write the book review, yes." I did not tell them I wrote all of it but that was enough for them to conspire that Ericka did not write the book review but I did. Afterall, I tend to do most works myself even in groups or dyads or triads. The girl who asked me this specific question was also our classmate. Her name is Katrina. She was with a number of girls who were also our classmates.

The day of submission came. Our instructor in Literature who also happens to be our homeroom adviser is not pleased with the news that someone in our class had their book review written by someone else and not the product of their own. She called on Ericka and asked the question in front of class "did you or did you not write the book review? if not, then who did?" I can still remember her voice echo inside our classroom. Ericka was humiliated in front of the class and she was exposed for the alleged action. Of course, news has also reached our teacher that it was me who helped Ericka (or write, in this case) write the book review. I admitted to this as well in front of the class and I shared the humiliation that Ericka had suffered that day.

I could not bring myself to talk to her and get close with her after that incident. Of course, I knew that what I did was wrong and that I should have actually helped Ericka write the paper instead of simply writing it word per word because it was more convenient. I apologized to our teacher and life goes on.

This is not the end of this story. I plan to bring a conclusion to this tonight as I have had a lot of thinking and realizations lately.

12th Grade. Afternoon. Philippine Politics was the subject.

Ericka happened to be absent that day and for some reason, we got to a point where we was conversing about personal life and instances. I remember Katrina vented out her frustrations on Ericka because at that time, Ericka was living as a tenant on Katrina's family house and Ericka was being treated well and much better by Katrina's own Mother and she was not getting the same treatment as her child. She cried. Of course, our teacher who was with us at that class consoled her. I remember our teacher told Katrina in front of the class "well, you should be thankful that you are not in her shoes." Should she be thankful? If I was in her place, I would be pissed off as well that a tenant at their house was being let by her mother boil water in the stove and not in the fireplace--a treatment she was not getting. She thought it was unfair that a tenant at their home was being treated better than her.