I remain an idiot so that the people around me can be intelligent.

Ma'am Dei

Ma'am Dei,

Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening. Whichever time of the day it is, I hope this message reaches you.

If you remember a student by the name of Jam Heinz from CBRC Laoag Branch Section Pavlov, that would be me Ma'am. What prompted me to compose this message was not because I want to thank you for calling me your favourite student in front of everyone else or for using me as a subject of your examples and illustrations... but because I want to tell you a story of a person who's lacking in motivation and optimism.

I am a firm believer in something. If something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. And when I heard about CBRC's excellent record of producing topnotch and passing LET takers, you bet I had some doubts toward the review center.

Originally, I did not want to review for the licensure exam. It was my parent's wish for me to enroll at CBRC and review there in preparation for my exam. I am a student who dislikes reviewing for any sorts of exam. This has been the case ever since I was a high school student. I am also someone who believes that standardized tests are rigid and stringent: they are not enough to measure a student's ability or worth.

When I finally was able to attend a face-to-face lecture, I had confirmed that this review center is not for me: the overly hyped crowd and lecturer, the overwhelming optimism that everyone has, and the expensive enrollment fee you have to pay and complete in order to avail the program (and this statement is partly influenced by one of our professors in our college who said that "at the end of the day, it's all business").

Personally, I am not someone who takes into pleasure the overly optimistic agenda that CBRC lecturers have--the assurance they give to the students that they will pass the exam and that they will become a topnotch taker asking the questions "Papasa ba?" with the students eagerly responding "Papasa!." "Sinong magto-top?" "Ako!" There is always a disregard for the possibility that someone might fail when they take the exam... and the disregard for this possibility gives false hope for those who are facing difficulties in multiple choice tests like me.

My favourite philosopher, Arthur Schopenhauer, said that "in order to lessen suffering, one must not expect to be very happy." And since I've always taken into heart his words, I see optimism the same way that he does: optimism is not only a false but also a pernicious doctrine, for it presents life as a desirable state and man's happiness as its aim and object. Everyone then believes they have the most legitimate claim to happiness and enjoyment.

The world is the worst of all possible worlds and optimism is a bitter mockery of the endless suffering of men. This mindset is greatly opposed to the atmosphere of every lecture I attend--almost unworthy of the program I had availed and is taking it for granted. "Clearly I don't deserve to be here. I am out of place." These are the words that echoes in my mind as I unenthusiastically mutter "papasa ako" along with everyone else.

But then I met you.

It may be coincidence that the situation flashed on the screen bear my name on it but my encounter with you is no coincidence. There are no coincidences. Everything that happens is predetermined by the universe... almost like destiny. I guess you could say I am someone who believes in destiny. For a moment, I was different from everyone else. And for a moment, you made me feel unique. And for what little happiness I feel, you amplified it by making me speak around everyone else and stand facing you in the middle. Although, I have been confidently wrong with my answer on a certain item this afternoon, you truly showed that making mistakes is proof that a person is trying. However, simply trying is not enough. If I fail the exam, I cannot go and tell my parents "I tried." We must learn from these mistakes and we must succeed for failure is not an option.

My encounter with you changed my mind... or at least changed the way I feel about attending the lectures and reviews. I will still see the world the same way Schopenhauer does -- filled with pain and suffering. We can only alleviate pain and suffering... and you do this by inspiring others to get up on their knees, smile, and believe in a bright future: a future where they are holding their licenses with the letters LPT on their names. Not everyone has this kind of power... and for that, I look up highly towards you, Ma'am.

Words cannot express how thankful I am to you. Although I am not confident in saying this but... I wish to work with you in the future in any ways whether it be as co-teachers in a school or fellow lecturers at CBRC.

When I pass the licensure exam, I promise I will come back and tell you.

Thank you, Ma'am.