The Twelfth Moon || ✔️

33. Breaking Down And Brokenness

I snapped out of my haze, to find myself in a comfortable velvet chair in some room I didn't recognize.

What I did recognize however, were two piercing green eyes, looking at me with flicks of worry. His troubled gaze replaced his usual playful grin, though I couldn't help but notice that even without his grin and the small dimples in his cheeks that accompanied it, he still looked pleasing to the eye. His brown, wavy hair was ruffled out of his face, messier than usual. His matching, full eyebrows supported some frowns on his forehead, translating once again the worrisome attitude he now held.

"Are you okay, Sari?" Jerr asked. That same worry could be found in his voice.

I quickly nodded my head, not being able to speak. As I looked around the room, it didn't take me very long to realize I was in Jerr's private chambers. He was seated in a velvet chair opposite me, and in front of the chairs stood a small, glass table. On the other side of the room, a big bed was positioned, with wooden pillars stationed on each corner. Some curtains hung from the wooden frame, although they were open, giving me a full view of the bed.

Just like the other rooms I'd seen so far, Jerr's also had a big, wooden desk. Piles of paper topped his desk, a sign of the busy duties that came with the Beta position. There were two additional doors, one on each side of the room. I guessed one of them led to his bathroom, but I had no idea where the other one went.

His chambers were immense. Everything seemed too big for just one man. The bed, the couch that stood on the other side of the room, even the desk was disproportionately large. That had to be one of the perks of his title.

"Are you sure?" He asked again.

I nodded again. "Yes," I spoke quietly. I had trouble getting the word out.

"I can't imagine what tonight must have been like for you," he spoke, looking at me with gentle, expecting eyes.

I'd been foolish to try to hide my true feelings from a Wise Moon. "I can't either," I exhaled. My breath was shaky, but other than that, my lungs weren't abandoning me in a panicked rage.

Jerr got up and fetched a glass of water for me. As soon as I took a sip, I noticed how dry my throat felt. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I shrugged. "Can't you just look into my thoughts and figure it out?"

"No," he answered.

I felt some guilt pop up at the way I just snapped at him, even if it wasn't entirely unjustified. "I'm sorry," I sighed.

"You don't have anything you should apologize for," he reassured me.

We stayed quiet for a short while. But the silence didn't feel wrong. It felt light, even. There was room in this silence for us, for me. "He really is dead," I breathed, still not quite feeling Dexter's absence.

"He is, Sari," Jerr confirmed. "He won't be able to touch you or anyone else, ever again."

I nodded as I bit on my upper lip, trying to keep my tears at bay. Even if I did feel numb, my eyes never seemed to dry out. "It was so strange," I admitted. "That man.. He wasn't Dexter. Don't get me wrong, he was. But he wasn't. His voice was still unmistakably his, but everything else? It just wasn't."

Jerr nodded in affirmation. "I know."

"Maybe that's why I'm having trouble grasping he's actually dead. I didn't see him die." I drew in another shaky breath as one tear escaped from the corner of my eye. "I've never seen him afraid. And yesterday and tonight, he was petrified. Of Aven. I'd never seen him like that. He was just a broken shell of what he once was."