Tied to a Cervantes

Chapter 24

Abrianna

Cervantes stared at me, waiting for me to say anything. 'Yong mga mata niya, I can see that he is worried. But what is he worried about anyway? Na baka magalit ako? Well he should be because I'm really furious at this moment. Not only to him but to all of them. Tangina. Palagi na lang akong naiipit sa mga away nila. I hate them all! I hate how they are using me as their pawn to their petty games. I hate how they are manipulating the situation to their favor. And I hate how they are treating me like a shit!

Not because I can play along with their games doesn't mean I am okay with everything. Nakakapagod din. If I can just run away from them all and never return, I would have done it long time ago.

"Please say something, love." He squeezed my hand again and rubbed his thumb on the back of my palm. I looked at it. My hand literally looked small on his. "Your silence is scaring me."

I glanced back at him and saw the dread he is trying to hide on his face. My heart suddenly twitched a little. His eyes, they're begging. 'Yong kaninang galit na nararamdaman ko, it was quickly replaced with pain and doubt. Seeing him trying to conceal his true feelings kinda hurts because I know that feeling.

But why? Can't I just meet his stares without feeling soft towards him? Pwede bang manatili na lang akong galit? That way things would be easier. Hindi na ako mahihirapan pa sa kung ano man ang balak kong gawin.

Paulit-ulit na lang kasi na ganito ang nangyayari. My father, the Cervantes and the Hontiveros. It felt like I am running on circles because of them. Until now, I still have no clue what truly their connection is. I thought I already knew all of it but it turns out, I was just fed with a small portion of the reality. Their fight? I can feel that it runs deep that it isn't just about business all along. There is more to all of this. I just don't know how to figure it out.

"Abrianna, come on. Say something. Get mad, shout, scream, anything. Just please don't stay silent, love." Cervantes voice was begging.

In a different situation, I would have laughed at him. But now, I just can't seem to think properly. I felt drained. Sinalubong ko ang tingin niya bago dahan-dahang alisin ang kamay kong kanina pa niya hawak. He looked at it and I noticed that faint smile that quickly crossed his face.

"Why don't you tell me everything?" I bravely asked when he glanced back at me. "from the real reason why the Hontiveros is taking revenge, like what you've said, to the reason why you are acting this way, so afraid and guilty."

I'm honestly afraid of what he might say. What if it's the worst? What if it will break me again? Can I take it? Would I have the strength to understand the situation? These are the thoughts that honestly continue to occupy my mind every time I'm faced with something like this. But you know what? I always disregarded them. I don't want fear to continue to rule me because I'll lose myself If I'll be weak. Of course, it wasn't an easy task. It will never be. Being brave is exhausting. But I cannot afford to find myself in deep shit again.

That's why I always remind myself to face all demons because this is the only thing I can give to myself; Staying strong even if it continuously drains me to the core. Just like now.

Pinagmasdan ko siya. He looked away from me and his facial expression changed. "I.." He breathed gently before looking at me again. Kahit hindi na niya tapusin ang sasabihin niya mukhang alam ko na ang sagot. "I don't think I'm the right person so tell you what you need to know."

I mentally smiled weakly. I thought so.

Not giving a single care of what he said, I slowly nodded then leaned against the chair. Wala nang balak kumain pa. "Kung wala ka naman palang balak sabihin sa akin ang lahat, why push me to talk? You shouldn't have spilled those bombs if hindi mo naman magawang sagutin ang mga tanong ko." Because what's the purpose of telling me something you don't have a plan on explaining. Pinaglalaruan mo lang ako sa lagay na ito.