Please Stay Forever With Me

Chapter 20- Can I Even, Complicate Your Breathing?

CW: Triggering thoughts, cutting, ED

Chapter 20-  Can I Even, Complicate Your Breathing?

Vic's POV:

I was discharged about a month ago. Today was moving day for us, and Kellin was very excited. I was don't get me wrong, I just haven't been feeling the best about everything with Mike. My head has been spinning constantly, and honestly, I'm afraid that Kellin is going to have to deal with the dark side that I'm afraid of. I haven't been honest with him, I usually just say "I'm fine" but in reality, it feels like I'm drowning. I've been out of my medication for a week, and I don't want to bother him with pain meds or my antidepressants. I rubbed my eyes, as I sat on the bed since I really couldn't help but do anything. I waited with Audrey, while Kellin, Jaime, Tony, and Jack all moved things out into the van. I held Audrey, while she was half asleep too since it was so early. I rubbed my eyes and groaned feeling sick to my stomach. I hadn't been keeping anything down, and I probably should tell Kellin I just didn't wanna freak him out and it was mostly my own choice anyways. I hated how I looked now, I just wanted to be skinny so he would love me. I had all these bad bruises and cuts along my body. I got up, and got to the bathroom gagging instantly, and puking up the clear liquid once again. I groaned, and I felt my body ache as I sat on the floor. I had lost weight, my ribs were poking through my skin now. I was so ashamed of myself, I didn't feel like I had any worth being here. I didn't tell Kellin that the voices in my head came back. They are always intrusive, and I just want them to stop.  I sat on the bathroom floor and pushed my hands on my ears hoping they would quiet down. I mumbled to myself, and that was when I heard them again.  Vic, do it just slide the blade over your skin. No one will know, Kellin won't see it's just you and me. You deserve it for what you did, everything you do is bad. I shook my head and rubbed my arm looking at the previous cuts on it. I was scratching my arms until they bled, and I felt so guilty. I rubbed my eyes and rolled down my sleeves hoping Kellin wouldn't sleep. Kellin walked in, and he saw me on the bathroom floor holding my arm. He frowned and helped me up like he always did.

"Vic let me see," He told me as he rubbed my arm.

I should have realized he would know, I forgot he knew my motions before mine almost all the time. Kellin knew me more than anyone did, he knew every little movement before I made it.

I cried, and he held me in his arms. He rolled up my sleeve and saw the scratch marks bleeding that I had just made. He frowned and ran some cold water over them. He kissed my lips and kissed the scars I had just made making the pain go away.

"Vic, you know you can tell me anything. Don't hurt yourself, my love, ever again. You don't deserve this, none of this is ever your fault sweetheart. You know that he did this, and he isn't in our life now okay? Me, You, and Audrey," He smiled kissing my cuts once again.

"Mhm, Kellin they are back," I mumbled crying into his chest.

"I know, I heard your dreams sweetheart. Once you started getting the nightmares again, I had my suspicions," Kellin said kissing my forehead. "Where are your meds, Vic?"

I blushed, and he sighed. "Vic you tell me when you need those, I will get them today and more pain meds since you probably need those too."

"I didn't wanna bother you though Kellin," I mumbled with tears streaming down my cheeks.

"You never bother me, I love you so much Vic," He smiled.

"I love you too," I blushed.

"Yeah, and we need to get you eating again sweetheart. Why didn't you tell me you were making yourself sick?" Kellin asked me as he pushed my hair out of my face.

"I dunno, they told me," I mumbled.

"Don't give in baby, we can get breakfast on our way to our home," He smiled at me.

I nodded, and he picked me up and helped me into the car.  I smiled and looked at our daughter in the back. I realized then, that I actually had a reason to stick around now. And that was because of him and Audrey. I smiled and kissed him passionately.

"What is it?" Kellin asked me, as he turned down the radio and smiled at me.

"I just realized that I finally have a reason to hold on now," I mumbled to him as I leaned my head on his shoulder as he drove.

"And you always will, we love you. And we have a surprise for you to cheer you up when we get to the house," Kellin smiled kissing my forehead.

I nodded, and we soon pulled into the driveway of our new home. Kellin picked me up since it was still hard for me to walk and carried Audrey at the same time as me. I giggled, and he unlocked the door as he helped us in. Audrey ran around, and it was very cute.  Kellin helped me down on the couch and kissed me gently.

"What's this surprise?" I asked him.

He smiled, and Audrey came back holding a drawing she worked on this morning with her crayons.  I looked at the paper and saw three stick figures. I saw Kellin's handwriting, and Audrey drew arrows for each of the people. She put herself in the middle, and Kellin and I were both on the sides. But it didn't say Viccy, it said Daddy.

I had tears in my eyes, and Audrey hugged me tightly. "Daddy!"

I smiled and cried happily as I held her in my arms. Kellin held us both, and that was when I knew I wanted to be his husband and have other kids with him. Kellin Quinn definitely had me wrapped around his finger in a good way.