Shawn Mendes Imagines♡

This Life

A/N: You and Shawn are in your mid 20's in this.
Song for this imagine: This Life (Theme from Sons of Anarchy). The version that is 2 minutes and 22 seconds long. The song will help the imagine make more sense, so please listen before reading this.
Also, old lady means wife. Cut means the Sons of Anarchy vest. Sons of Anarchy terms, lol. Enjoy :)
This isn't the life I want to live anymore. I never chose to live like this. I can no longer stomach being surrounded by all the violence. I was always given false hope, just to be let down again.
I never pictured having to live like this with him. When we were younger, I always imagined that we would peacefully grow old together and have a family of our own. Boy, was I wrong. We do have a family of our own, but not exactly the type of family everyone wants. Our family is Shawn's motor cycle club. They act as a gang, but you should NEVER refer to them as one.
The family consists of
Jax Teller and his old lady, Tara, who's in the same situation I am.
Clay Morrow and his old lady, Gemma Teller-Morrow (Jax's Mom)
Opie Winston and his old lady, Donna, who's also in the same situation I am.
Piney Winston and his wife, Opie's parents.
Tig
Chibs
Bobby
Juice
Happy
and Otto, whos currently in jail for life.
There's not a day that goes by where I don't wish for a different life, with Shawn of course. I wouldn't trade Shawn for anything. What I would trade though, is this life.
Shawn is never home. I hardly ever see him anymore. Im 8 weeks pregnant with his child, and no one knows except for Gemma. I never even get the chance to tell him I'm having his baby, and that he's gonna be a father.
Honestly, I don't fear telling Shawn at all. What I fear is how he'll react. In this life, it's not something you could just throw in your mans face and have a guaranteed positive reaction. He'll probably tell me how it's not a good time cause he's caught up in club business and shit. But I'll make sure that he makes time for his son or daughter. I am not raising this baby alone, and my child will not grow up feeling unwanted by his or her father.
I snapped out of my thoughts, when I heard Shawn shut the front door behind him. He wore the same, or should I say similar outfit as usual. A flannel with his Sons of Anarchy vest on top, jeans, his black beanie and white Nikes. "Hey beautiful." Shawn approached me and pulled me in for a hug, planting a kiss on my forehead. "Hi Shawn", I pulled away from the hug and gave him a shy smile. "Babe, Gemma is having a dinner tonight. We should head over there soon." Shawn smiled, and I nodded in response. Shit, I can't tell him now. "I'm gonna go freshen up, change my outfit." I looked down at my feet, and spun on my heels and walked away. Shawn must of picked up on how I was acting because he called my name, and asked, "you alright babe?" I turned my head towards him and gave him a fake smile before proceeding to Shawn and I's bedroom. I changed into black skinny jeans, a grey v neck tee, and a black leather vest, with grey combat boots. I filled in my eyebrows, winged my eyeliner, and applied mascara. I grabbed the keys to Shawn and I's Dodge Challenger before heading out the door. Shawn was driving, and the entire time I kept my eyes fixed on the road in total silence. "You're acting weird. What's wrong with you?" I finally studied Shawn's face. His cheek bones, full lips, and he had a short scruff on his face. He was the only club member who didn't keep a beard. Not for nothing, but my husband was beautiful. His light eyes shine brighter then this sun, and his smile could light up a dark room. His voice was deep enough to give any woman the chills just by saying hello. His cut rested snugly on his body over his flannel, with the words "Men of Mayhem" plastered on one side, and the words "Redwood Originals" on the other. On his back was the reaper himself, in between the words "Sons of Anarchy" and "California". "Shawn I'm pregnant." I quickly blurted out. He sharply stepped on the breaks and the car quickly came to a halt. "What did you just say?" Shawn turned to me and his eyes went dark. I didn't dare to look him in the face. I swallowed hard. "You're gonna be a father." I squeezed my eyes shut, waiting for his reaction. Shawn pulled the car over and stopped short again. He got out of the car and slammed the door. "You go to dinner, I'm walking home. Tell them I ain't feeling well." He said heartlessly and began walking home.