The Red Doll

CHAPTER 30

****Revon's POV****

I have been sitting on the couch in the common room, waiting for her call, for about 2 hours. I keep telling myself that the uneasiness I'm feeling and the tightness in my chest is just because I'm worried about the mission. I am responsible for my entire gang and so many other lives. And all of those lives are dependable on how this mission turns out. Of course I'm going to feel uneasy.

But I know that's not the main reason for my anxiety. I will never admit this to her, since she'll probably just laugh in my face and call me weak, but I'm worried for her. Knowing that she's out there with the Lions, the bitches that destroyed both of our lives, is making a lump form in my throat. 

Truth be told, I have long since ceased to hate her. I don't know when or how it happened, but I no longer wanted to see her just to make sarcastic comments to anger her, or try to hurt her in any ways possible, like I used to do just a few months ago, before we teamed up. Back when she was just another one of my targets. Yes, a really entertaining and intriguing target, but a target nonetheless.

But now, I want to make those sarcastic comments just to admire the way she playfully turns my words against me, the way her cunning eyes study me, seeming like she's trying to get a glimpse of my mind. I look forward to seeing the way she smirks in amusement when somebody underestimates her. Oh, what fools are those who underestimate her. Her skills are so elegantly defined that she got even her supposed enemy to stare at her in awe whenever she uses them. I don't understand her; her mind is way too complex to simply be explained and understood. But oh God, I want to. I want to discover all the parts of her that she's keeping hidden from everyone else. I want to understand her in her entire complexity.

But most of all, I yearn for the way she sometimes looks at me; like she's got me all figured out and she still wants to stay by my side. The way her eyes are seldom filled with so much affection and compassion that I can almost feel the warmth they're emanating filling every single cell in my body. That's the way she usually looks at her friends, but I caught her looking at me like that a few times, and every single time it happened, the possibility of me hating her anymore grew smaller and smaller.

I no longer want to leave bruises and scars on her. Instead, I want to help her heal them.

I jerked in my seat at the sudden realization of that. I hold my head with both of my hands, leaning forward. It would be easier to just simply not acknowledge any of these thoughts and feelings; to just ignore them and act like nothing's changed. But now that I've seen all those sides of her; now that I've got a taste of her, I can't stop myself from wanting more. If it means that we'll get to see each other again and that she won't leave my side forever because of these "unprofessional" and silly thoughts I'm having, then I'll even force myself to act like the way I was before all of this. Our killing game. Our hatred for each other. I can fake it all for her. Just for her.

I snap my head towards the phone that was sitting on the table when I hear it ringing. I instantly take it in my hand and put it up to my ear, clenching my fist in anxiety, waiting to hear the voice on the other end. Her voice.

"We're in. First stage of the mission is completed," her soft yet serious voice says before hanging up.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding until now and put down the phone. She's ok. She's unharmed.

Aria, hate me all you want. Spit out words filled with venom in my direction. Do whatever you want to me. Because my heart's already in your hands and you don't even know it. Break it into a thousand pieces and I'll pick them up, put them back together and still give them back to you. Break my heart a million times and I still won't be able to bring myself to ever hate you again.

****Aria's POV****

After hanging up the call, I let myself fall down on the bed in the room where I was assigned to stay. I sigh, still feeling the waves of guilt and sadness flow through my body. He didn't speak at all, but just by his short unsteady breaths I could tell that Revon was the one that had been on the other side of the phone. I could almost feel his anxiety through the phone. And the way he sighed in relief at the sound of my voice...

I regret saying the things I did this morning.  Because, no matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise, those words were meant for myself. I was scolding myself for getting attached and trying to convince myself that I can simply put distance between us, just like I always did. Those cruel words about being pathetic were meant for me, but in that moment of anger and panic at the realization that I can no longer imagine not having him close to me, I directed them towards him. In that moment in which he was so vulnerable and he decided to trust me enough to show me that part of himself, the scared, confused boy that lost his mom and now was scared of also losing me, I decided to be a coward and run away from his trust.

I don't want to care for him. I don't want to get attached. I know it's stupid. This is all business and sooner or later we'll part ways. He's still my target and I'll have to kill him once this is all over. Work is more important than useless feelings.

But there are also moments when it's just the two of us, laughing and simply talking. In those moments, I almost forget about who we are; two ruthless assassins that are meant to kill each other. I forget all about this mission; about The Lions; about my past. It's just us. Me and him. Me and the only person that's seen all the ugliness in me and still stands by my side.

I close my eyes, putting my hand up to my heart and clenching my shirt, desperate to make all of these feelings disappear. "Revon Thorn, I swear I'll kill you one day," I whisper to the darkness surrounding me.

To be continued...

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