BILLIE EILISH IMAGINES// COMPLETED

7 Days (the Deal) Day 7

Day 7

I'm fvcking nervous, we're currently seating on the couch of Mom's hotel waiting for her. Raffa's besides me.

I was interrupted with my thoughts when I felt a presence. I immediately lift my head to check and for the longest time I saw Mom.

I run to hugged her and she hugged back. For the first couple of minutes we're just hugging while crying. I missed Mom, I missed her terribly, despite having a wall to my heart I can't deny the fact of missing having a Mom. We're pretty closed back then so it made me broken when I thought she chose other person over me. For first time for a long time I felt being a daughter again.

Mom was the one who decided to pull away.

"Hey Bil, baby?" She started while cupping my face. "Why you crying so hard?" She said chuckling but her tears still flowing through her cheeks.

I shake my head and sniff.

"No, ah, I just missed you so much Mommy." I said.

"My baby, I missed you too so so so much, you don't know how happy you made me because of this. When Raffa told me that you want to see me it made me very nervous and excited the same time. I'm really sorry baby that I'm not around your life for a while, but I'm relieved because I know Raffa did her best to looked after you." She said while looking the both of us.

"I'm sorry Mom, I didn't know, I'm sorry Mom that, that I didn't trust your love to me and thought you betrayed us, me. I'm really sorry to all the harsh words I said. I'm really sorry Mommy, please forgive me." I said full of regrets visible to my voice.

"Aww its not your fault baby, don't ever think that way okay? You're the best part of my life, and, and if having you with my life means I needed to experienced that horrible thing the so be it. I love you so much baby." She said and again pull me for a hug.

"Where is she Mom?" I asked Mom pertaining to the girl she fell in love with.

Mom was confused at first then when she realized what I'm saying she immediately smiled.

That's right, this smile of hers is a genuine one.

"You want to meet her baby?" She confirmed.

"Of course Mom, I want to see and meet the love of your life." I happily added.

That's the very first time I saw Mom blushed and it made me smile so I teased her.

"So whipped Mom." I whispered and she glared at me. We laugh after, I'm happy that despite what happened we're now good.

That meeting consists of lot of crying moments, stories, revelations and promises. I discovered how kind and loving Athena to my Mom. I saw the love they have for each other by just looking at them. I looked at Raffa who's smiling and just observing Mom and Athena while they teased each other. I just hope we end up like them.

Its already late when we decided to go home. Since we left Mom's hotel I've extra silent, I'm thinking how can I convinced Raffa not to consider the deal because I really want her in my life.

We arrived at their ancestral house, she's about to leave when I grip her wrist.

"Wait Raff." I said.

"She looked at me and check her clock. It seemed she' checking something.

Luckily she successfully put her focus on me.

"Let's end that deal Raffa." I said firmly

"Its already ended Bil." She said flat.

"No! I mean, I don't want your condo Raff, I don't want to get rid of you either". I shyly said.

"Then what you want Bil?" She lazily asked.

Its now or Billie I said to myself so I gathered all my courage in my body to say this.

"You."

She chucked as if I said something funny.

"What's funny Raff?" I confirmed.

"You Billie. You know what you are aside from being funny? You're confusing, you're cold, you're scary but you're also loving, you're caring and you're addicting. Addicting to the point I can no longer hold back, all I want is to make you happy. I love you so much, so fvcking much but you never loved me the way I loved you." Raffa said sadly.

"I love you too Raffa, I, I was just afraid. I, I hope you understand my trauma. I suppressed my feelings towards you because I don't want to end up like Mom." I defended.

"That's the thing Bil, I'm not asking you to loved me when I confessed, but at least, at least you respected me and I hoped you treat me even. I'm your fvcking bestfriend since forever but you never considered that when you decided you'll avoid me. I tried to reached out a lot of times but you didn't let me. I even accepted the fact that I'm pathetic. I still love you though, I loved you in a way that I don't care anymore about what will happen next all I care is you and your happiness." Raffa said already crying.

"I know, I know Raffa, just give me a chance now? This time I'll prove myself to you." I said and about to hug Raffa but she stepped back.

"How about Matthew? The last time I checked you're still in relationship with him." She curiously asked.

"We, we broke up already Raffy. The night Grandpa talked to us, I realized what I'm missing in life, I realized what I'm wasting so that very night when he called me to meet I can no longer control myself, I broke up with him but he don't want to. The first time you called we're in the heated argument, I can't think straight so I let it out to you. He asked me if there's another person involved and I confessed to him it's you. He got mad, really mad. Luckily we're in public so he can't do something. I'm on my way back to hospital but the bartender where Matthew was called, I have no choice but to went back and fetch him, that's also the moment you heard him calling me to bed." I explained to Raffa hoping she'll give us a try.

She smiled.

"You know what Billie? This is the moment I'm praying since I realized I love you so much. The moment you'll say you love me too, the moment we can be together. I should be happy, but I can't, I'm not. I'm emotionally drained now, from Grandpa's death and from loving you. Grandpa said I should guard myself, he said that I shouldn't allow myself to be empty because if I let that happened for sure in the future I will have no capability to love anymore. And now Bil? I'm on the verge of being empty. Even if I accepted you, even if we try I'm sure we'll not work because we're still broken Bil, we're broken inside. I'm not saying I don't love you anymore or my love for you fade over night because its not true, I know deep inside me I'm still in love with you. But that love will still remain words if I don't act it, and at this very moment, in my current state I can't Bil. I'm not asking you to wait for me. To be honest I'm not asking you anything. I just want you to know that I need to heal, not only from Grandpa's death but all of my emotional burden. You're free to love. I'm not sure when I'll be okay or if I'l be okay at all. I know you yourself has your own struggles Bil, try to fix it as well and let's see, who can tell maybe someday, tomorrow, next year or a decade we realized we really the one for each other. Let's love ourselves first." Raffa said already crying.

I felt how hard it is for her to say those but she needs to be strong. She's right. We need to heal, I need to prove myself, I need to be complete again so despite of the heavy heart and the fear that this time I might totally lose her I still accepted what she wants.

I gave her a reassuring nod.

"You're right Raffa, you're always right. Despite what happened, I know I'm still indeed lucky."

-

The End

A/n:

Done atlast! I'm not sure if y'all accept this kind of ending but I think sometimes we also need SELF LOVE. Also I needed to end this series because I just broke my phone and I don't know when I can get a new one. I don't wanna leave yally hanging. 💓

Thank you so so so much for reading, commenting and voting!

Love you lots!

Apologies for any errors

-liaxoxo