COMPLETED Nellie Lovett (The Virgin Widow of Fleet Street) #Wattys2016 Sweenett

Can't Stand...With or Without You

Chapter XXIII

Just one more night, Sweeney told himself. One more night of tears, one more night of sorrow, one more night of Elle's precious memories playing back in his mind.
'I'll get over the pain. I've been so lonely, I've been dead... What is another pain, what is another death compare to that?' He felt his own lips pressed together, his broad shoulders began trembling.
'Elle... I've been alive these past months. You've found me in my worst, you've given my heart a reason to beat again... Why... Why did you have to leave and took my heart with you?' He sat down on the edge of his bed, his elbows on his knees, palms cupping his face wet with his own tears.
"Elle!!!" He'd thrown all his sorrow screaming out her name.
He felt so tired, so exhausted, so hopeless. It has been weeks, he'd travelled most of London looking for Elle and Toby but they were nowhere, no one has seen them.
Not even bottles of gin could make him forget, even if he drowns himself in alcohol, she was there. Her presence lingers in his mind, her tears haunts him even in his sleep.

If he just didn't feel this way again, if hope just didn't blossom in his frozen heart, it would all have been so easy to forget, to escape from, he could perhaps easily slit his throat to die. But he can no longer do that. Not with Elle holding his heart, not with their child living inside her womb, he would never allow their child to grow up like Johanna or Toby...away from their parents.
He has to be strong, not just for another night. He has to cry, he will cry his heart out until he finds her. Only then can he die, in her hands.

"Are you sure about this?" Asked the man in front of him.
"There isn't any other way..." He said, muscles in his jaws moved. The man just looked at him for a long time, as if weighing how sure he was with his decision.
"If that's what you think is best." He then smiled and handed him the papers before he spoke again.
"I'm glad you're back."
"Pardon?"
"Of course, you wouldn't really remember..." The man smiled drily.
"You were just full of greed for revenge then. You never really cared about anyone else inside, for you everyone in there was guilty except yourself... I of course, thought that way too. Not until I've heard of your case of course."
He looked at the man eye to eye, trying to remember what he was saying.
"I was there too, we were both sent by the same man you see. We were both his rival, I for being a judge, and you for being your late wife's husband..."
"That explains a lot." He murmured realizing how this man knew a lot about him as if he can read his mind.

"She's in France..." He deliberately looked back at the man.
"Eleonor Lovett... You'll know where in France if you really know and love her." That was the last words judge Riddle said as he walked out of the court leaving him with the files of his case.

Hopelessly Nellie leaned on the sink, she can't do anything without feeling dizzy, she can't smell or taste anything in the kitchen without throwing up, she can't move without getting hurt. Hardly, she pressed her index finger to keep it from bleeding. Trying not to see the blood, she closed her eyes and washed it with cold water before wrapping it with a clean hanky and sat down on the kitchen chair feeling so weak. Another long and lonely day is heading her way she thought.

She held her tummy where her baby is. How will she raise her baby? What will she tell him about his father? How will she explain the situation of her pregnancy to her own child when up to now she still can't understand her own sentiments about everything that happened. Part of her is still very much mad at Sweeney Todd, part if her is still in so much fear...yet part of her needs him. She's longing for his dark grey eyes deeply gazing at her, she's longing for his presence that has always been there beside her when she needed someone the most. No matter how crazy he'd been, no matter how much grief he'd given her, Nellie still found herself sympathetic of the man he was. Benjamin Barker.

Her tears fell, this is the worst feeling she has at her condition, the last thing she needs right now is the confirmation that she is indeed missing the father of her baby. The last thing she will admit is that she needs him, they need him.